4 years, 10 months, 16 days......
That is how long I have been married. Sometimes I am amazed that Kevin and I have been married for such a short time, because of everything that we have been through these past 4 years. In total, our relationship spans the course of nearly 7 years. I met Kevin in 2000, but I can say that I have 'known' him since March 2001, when he got hired at LPD. Sheesh, that seems like forever ago!
Over the turbulent and joyous time since we made our covenant before God and man, there are some truths that I have learned about marriage. I am not saying that these truths are applicable to every marriage, just what I have learned about my own.
TRUTH #1- It doesn't matter if you gain 30 pounds, have 2 kids, and are covered in stretch marks; he still wants to see you naked. (plus more).
I gained 60 pounds in the 6 week pregnancy I had with Justice. (For more info on this phenomenon, please read the 'Justice' post). I have a 10-inch scar from the cesarean section that was required to remove our beautiful 9-lb 1-oz girl from my body. Just 22 months later, my abdomen was inflicted with another 10.5-inch incision that is now a scar; this one marks the birth of our 9-lb 6-oz son. Stretch marks cover my breasts, my stomach, my sides, and my thighs. Apparently my skin has zero elasticity. But seriously, my stomach looks like it was mauled by a tiger. However, my husband's eyes cannot see them. It really is the most amazing thing. In August of last year, I had a laparoscopy. The 3 incisions left 3 scars on my abdomen. I am completely repulsed by my body, and the scars and stretch marks that litter my midsection. It baffles me that he can look at me and see a beautiful woman. It mystifies me that he can look at my body and be turned on. Alas, it is a truth. I think that if more of us women are courageous enough to bare our bareness to our husbands, they would be altogether happier people. Thank-You, Lord for my husband's blindness!
TRUTH #2- He will never understand why we take so long to get ready, seek approval, and change outfits.
I am definitely guilty of this, from time to time. I take care to pick out an outfit that I think looks good, especially if it's for a 'date' with my man. I select articles of clothing that might not be the most comfortable. I take care to squeeze into clothing that I think looks 'good'. Then I parade myself in front of my husband, desperate for a compliment. He seldom disappoints. I typically read way too much into this compliment, and end up changing my outfit, thinking that I don't look as good as he says I do. Well, that, and the 'uncomfortable!' thought finally makes its way to the forefront of my mind.
I think we would make things easier on ourselves, and our husbands, if we just go with what we feel good in, versus what I think I look good in, when selecting outfits. Who am we trying to impress anyway? We already married the loves of our lives, why do we care what the matre'd thinks?
TRUTH #3 - He will NEVER (ever!) compliment your cooking unless you ask him to.
If you are anything at all like me, you were no Julia Child entering your marriage. And no matter how long-winded you try to make your dinner-table-prayer, at some point he will have to bite into the food you have slaved away to prepare. But in between mouthfuls, as he chews and swallows, a compliment lurks. Powerful words that can send us into a dizzying mess of tears or fantastic giggles of victory. Ladies, here is the key to surviving your bout with the kitchen appliances: if he is eating it, it is good enough. You don't need to be Bobby Flay, just as long as you honor him with actually cooking dinner, and it tastes good enough to warrant a second bite, you have earned your gold star. Many an argument has been avoided in my home since I learned to take the fact that he is eating the food, as a compliment. And I think he will tell you that I have actually improved!
TRUTH #4 - He will never understand what it is you "do" all day that prohibits you from showering, changing out of sweats, or vaccuming.
Unless you are blessed with an extraordinarily sensitive man, he will, at some point, question your activities. I have learned that it doesn't benefit the situation OR your relationship to get defensive. All you can do is take a deep breath, and try to calmly explain. And pray that HE gets the opportunity to care for your children for a full day with no help. (I think I hear a pedicure calling my name!)
and finally, TRUTH #5- Praying together is more powerful and more bonding than anything else you could ever do with your mate.
Kevin and I haven't always been the best at praying together. But it has been the cord that has kept us from unraveling. Praying together is the most intimate thing you can do together. When you expose your fears and victories in prayer and petition to God, you make yourself more vulnerable to your spouse, but also more strong. There is nothing more attractive about me to my husband than my faith. And when I hear him pour his heart out to God, I grow closer to Him and my husband. I know better how to honor Him and my husband. I know better how to love Him and my husband.
Some days the only think I love about my husband is the God in him. But we made a covenant with God. We chose to be joined forever with Him in this marriage. There is no 50/50. There is only 100% service by both of us to the Lord. And when we serve Him in our marriage, we honor each other.
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