...Nerves...

I've been wearing this since Monday, and I admit that
it has felt more like a hangman's noose than anything
else, until now... But God is faithful not to give up
on us, even when we choose not to embrace Him.

God tells us not to worry, but have we ever explored the reasons why? Why are we challenged with situations that continually tempt our flesh, so seemingly uncontrollably, to fret? To spend countless minutes, hours, days in the bondage of obsession with outcomes lying out of our own human ability to control?

One reason, any student of the Bible would surmise, would be that worry equals doubt in God. Feeble faith. But I think it goes a little deeper. In my instance, for example, I do trust God. I know that He has a plan for my life. BUT I don't know what that plan is. I have God-given passions, and I am hopeful that I understand that my Kingdom assignment is not yet fulfilled, BUT I don't know. I want to believe that there will be no complications with this impending surgery, and I KNOW for a FACT that I am a child of The Most High God, so I don't question the post-death direction of my soul from my body. Knowing this singular fact, believing that I am chosen, forgiven, and loved, does not calm the raging sea of worry wreaking havoc inside my head: "what if I don't wake up?" my thoughts scream. Taking them captive, and turning them around, I hear the whisper "Then that is God's perfect will."

 "What about my kids?!" drowns out nearly every other thought.

The answer, "Are they not MY children? Did you not give them back to ME? Do I not have a plan to reconcile each of My precious and blood-bought children back to Me? Are they not covered by the blood of the new covenant? Am I a God that would take away all possibilities for them to know Me? Julie, you know Me better than that. You are asserting your meek control over My Own dominion. Why launch such a feeble attack on Me? Why threaten to regain control over a life that I have paid for, that was reclaimed by Me, by My Son, and by My Holy Spirit? I am not a God who backs down from a fight. I am not a God who relinquishes control over what is MINE. Julie, You are MINE. You chose to believe My love for you. You submitted your will to My perfect one. You died to your own flesh - why do you now try to resurrect that life? You cannot raise it from the dead, call it out from the deepest depths. You cannot find it behind my back - even I have forgotten about it. You know My love for you is worth what I paid for it. My daughter, let Me love you in My way. Let Me show you what I have planned for you. I ask only that you let Me. Let go of this chain. Give it to Me. Take up My yoke. Bear only what I give you to carry - what I have prepared in advance for you to haul. I am right here with you, waiting to absorb the pain, the hurt, the stress and the strife that you give Me. Let Me have it all, Julie. You cannot keep a piece of it for yourself - even a small parasite will contaminate an entire well of water. I will give you the desires of your heart. Trust and see that I am good."

I see a lot of repenting in my immediate future.

I am not sure if I will be posting again before Thursday. Know that you are loved - not just be me, but by a God who sent Himself in the flesh to die for you. Know that I have prayed for you - for each set of eyes reading this blog. May you find comfort in Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace.

Thank you for reading. I hope and pray that this moves you to delve deeper in a personal relationship with the Lord - He is waiting to reveal something to you. Are you poised to receive it?

Forever serving Him, for His glory,

Julie Kent

...Lately...

My son is consumed with the idea that a brew-babe (that's barista for all you Starbucks feinds) Lisa at our local coffee honey-hole, House Of Coffee's, is his girlfriend. Yes, girlfriend.

I don't quite remember how he came up with this idea, but I must admit that I think it is sorta cute.

 He LOVES his Lisa, and says "she makes my coffee good."

God is SO GOOD! Both of our children are showing interest in firearms. This is particularly exciting to me, as I am a gun enthusiast and a hunter. I am thrilled to share the raising of Justice and Kayden with a man who is also (obviously) pro-gun and blessed to have many opportunities to have our children around firearms, and give them the chance to shoot! Here are a couple pictures from our recent trip to "the range":

 thumbs up! She hit the yellow circle, which she was aiming for!

Kayden's turn!

Thumbs up from the boy, too! He did a good job.

 We absolutely love the Corcorans. We love spending time with them, chatting with them, and gleaning from their life lessons, applicable to our own. They have endeared themselves to us in a mighty way, and knit their lives to ours. Justice and Kayden affectionately refer to them as "Grandma Joan" and "GranPat".

...what is happy, anyway?...

"...so glad you are happy...you both deserve it..."

The words on the wedding card started blankly back at me, as unsettling words tend to do.

I pondered what I had just written. Happy? Deserve? What do those words even mean?

I prayed that God would reveal to me why these words didn't sit well in my spirit.

God calls us to a life of weakness of the flesh, so He can fill in the gaps with His strength, that all might not see our own power, but the Christ in us. For His glory.

We are called to live in Him, to draw our every breath from Him. We are called to live in Him in entirety. Not in part.

We are called to serve, to love, to suffer.

Not to be happy.

To have joy, not a spirit of deservingness.

What do those words even mean? Are they Biblical?

I searched long and hard for answers.
A quick search of happy on Google revealed page after page of smiling yellow faces, and links to various dictionaries, thesauruses, and encyclopedias.
I don't just want the answers Wikipedia or Blue Letter Bible could give me.
 No, my soul longed to be quenched by Devine revelation.

There are many words that have been translated as 'happy' in the Scriptures. In a pure form, the word means joyous, joyful, blithe, cheerful, merry, contented, gay, blissful, satisfied. The word originated in the 1300's - which means that God did not put the word "happy" in the Bible. Man did.

That makes me feel a little better, but I wanted to go deeper still. So I pulled out the Strongs Concordance, and found that in the NIV, 'happy' occurs 20 times. In the ASV, it appears 24 times and in the KJV, it is used 25 times. Most of the versions use it in the same verses.
Now, I don't want to bore you with list after list after list of complied Holy Writ -although nothing would please me more, as that is how God usually talks to me: an all-out, page-turning, paper-cut-getting, whirlwind of Bible page-flipping. Seriously, it freaks me out - just ask Joan!
I just want to pose a question:
Are we every truly certain of the Biblical meaning of the words we choose to say (or write?) and do we truly mean them?
So as I drift off to a place of quietness, begging God to reveal more to me about this happy thing, my silent prayer is that you find the deeper meaning your soul is thirsty for, and that you allow God to move you.

...Twenty.Seven...

Thankfully my birthday passed by without much fanfare. I don't usually appreciate the celebration of my ascent I to oblivion. I cannot believe that I am now 27 years old. It seems the number of my years are unreflective of the life I have managed to squeeze into them.
I have laughed, cried and rolled my eyes through much of the past. I have been on countless adventures in many countries. I have exploited my youth with reckless abandon, only to earn the grey hairs that appear on my head.

I decided to compile a list of the top one or two things for each year that I have lived:
1984- obviously, I was born
1985- my dad returned from Germany, and we moved to Lodi.
1986-  age 2
1987- age 3
1988- age 4
1989- just one day after my birthday, my mom had my brother. 5 years and 1 day apart in age. I don't know if I would have considered Ryan's birth a 'highlight' at the time... I also started Kindergarten.
1990- first grade
1991- second grade
1992- third grade
1993- I broke my arm for the first time on the uneven bars, in fourth grade. Complete compound fracture. It was so badly dislocated, they had to put me out in the ER to reset it.
1994- fifth grade.
1995- sixth grade.
1996- broke my right wrist this time, running on the blacktop in PE, in seventh grade.
1997- eighth grade.
1998- lost my Bubba but got our first dog, Maxine! Played freshman volleyball for LHS. Yellowstone, Grand Tetons, Mt. Rushmore vacation.
1999- broke my left ankle, had to have pin put in. I can still tell when it's going to rain!
2000- became an Explorer with LPD. I met Kevin, who I hated at the time, but grew to long for, lust after, and eventually love.
2001- spent the year tormenting Kevin and writing 180's for Tod.
2002- I graduated high school and went on my East Coast trek with my favorite Aunt. Lost my Grandpa. Turned 18!
2003- took classes at Delta and worked 3 jobs.
2004- August 17, FINALLY started dating Kevin. Started attending church regularly.
2005- traveled all over Europe. Went on an Alaskian cruise. Turned 21 and started police academy.
2006- Quit academy, got married and had baby #1- all in 6 weeks time!
2007- miscarriage rocked my world.
2008- welcomed baby #2 to the family. Baptized.
2009-first of Endo surgeries. Joined BCCC family. Grand Canyon, Canada, Washington vacations.
2010- started running again. Completed first Half Marathon (and second!) God opened many doors to Ministry. Graduated FPU and lost our home.
2011- sheesh....... Where do I begin?!  Endo surgery #2, Hysterectomy. Adopted Joan and Pat. Started Treasure Box @ BCCC...

Holy God,

You are Mighty to Save. You rescued me from the pit of sin and set my feel on the path of righteousness. You are Graceous.

Thank You, Abba, for Your comfort and peace. For holding me through the best and worst of times. For lifting me up, for sancifying me, for pouring out the Blood of Your Son to spare the life of this girl, humbled and exhalted to be called a Daughter of the Most High.

You are Good. You are Faithful. You are so much more than 'Just' because You spare me from the "justice" my sin deserves.

Praise Your Mighty Name!

For each year that I am blessed to serve You in this flesh, allow me to continue to grow. To Glorify You. To Magnify Your Holy Name.

You are the Provider, the Healer, the One True God.

I know that I can call out to You, You will always and forever be within reach.

I love You above all, and I live to serve YOU alone.

Thank You, for each new day, each season, and each year. At the end of my days on this earth, may I be so blessed to hear those awesome words: well done. All for Your glory.

In Christ' Name I pray,

Amen.

...164 down and 200 to go...

2011 is almost halfway over!!!

(actually halfway is July 1st/2nd)

As I journeyed back in time to reread my very first post of the year, I was struck with conviction. "Going Forward" was the resloute theme I envisioned myself carrying-out this year. I have pause to reflect on whether I am indeed fulfilling the premise I laid out. I am unsure if forward is the direction that I am headed in, or if I am just spinning in circles much of the time. (that's kinda what it feels like).

This year I have overcome some obstacles in the area of health, and June 30th will mark my second surgery of 2011 for the plaguing issues. I have battled hormonal and weight issues, and have (for the most part) been victorious through Christ.

I have made lasting bonds with friends, who have become a surrogate family.

I have cried. I have mourned. I have had good days and bad. I have laughed. I have sung. And I have poured my life into my husband and children, knowing that no time on earth is promised.

I have clung to my Savior, despirately hoping that through it all, I will have gained some iota of insight into His heart.

I have journeyed through the Bible, learning more about David than I ever imagined I would. I also made it through Revelation, and what a road that was to travel! I have bonded with women in small groups, and I have learned the keys to hearing God's voice. I journal now, quite frequently.

I have moved from the realm of babyhood, to the pasture of big-kid land; Justice is now out of PreK (Kindergarten starts 8/1) and Kayden is thisclose to being out of those Pull-Ups and into big boy chonies. It is bittersweet, but I guess it counts as forward.

 I hope that this blog has reflected me, wholey and imperfectly.
I am reluctant to promise that the latter half of 2011 will reflect my 'goings forward'. But I will continue to follow where the Spirit leads, and I am positive that is the best direction.
My prayer is that I have somehow shared authentically, my love affair with God, and my dependance on Christ the Redeemer. Praise the Lord if I have, and if not.... well..... He has the power to use anything for His glory and purpose.

 I am obedient to put out into cyberspace what He calls me to, and He is Faithful.

Somewhere, someday, He will use my words to reach someone. Or maybe this is just for me.
Either way, every way and any way; TO GOD BE THE GLORY.

...more random pictures (playing catch-up)...

 Momma (Grandma) Joan and I @ HOC 6/2/11

 I am one blessed girl! Got some HOC to take on vaca!

 Some wives find loose change or an occational dollar bill left in the washer from their husband's pants - I find casings. And I wouldn't have it any other way!!

 My silly girl

 Learning to swing all by her big-girl self!

 My handsome son on the swings

 He drives my crazy sometimes, but I'd die for one of his smiles!

 Tilly on the swing!

 Mom and I at the Yankees@A's game 5/30

 Before Yankees@A's game on 5/30

 Yes, I am one proud Mommy!!!!

 We mom-sandwhiched her between some Yankee fans!

 Mother's Day gift to mom: A's tickets! (Too see the Yankees, ofcourse! 5/30)

 I LOVE MY FAMILY!!

 I dont remember the date I took this - but I love it.

 Justice and Joe feeding the Lorikeets at Mickey Grove Zoo in May

 Justice feedig the lorikeets at Mickey Grove Zoo in May

 Kayden on the slide

more Kayden on the slide!

 Justice worshiping in the sanctuary... God is so good!!

 Justice on our last-day-of-School lunch date. See the snail fallig on Daddy's head because he was in a meeting and missed lunch? Precious!!

 Kayden's artwork from the same lunch date.

I just really like this picture.... God is amazing!!

...oops...forgot it!...

This picture was my blog's background for many months, until today when I changed it. It was taken in November 2010 - I don't know why I never included it in any of my previous posts. (Maybe because I used it as background). So, here is one of my favorite pictures. Our praying hands.

...Oregon Vacation 2011...

Some of the pictures are out of order, but here is a glimpse of the fun in Oregon, on vacation!

Here is Kayden after we got home: completely exhausted!