...Nerves...

I've been wearing this since Monday, and I admit that
it has felt more like a hangman's noose than anything
else, until now... But God is faithful not to give up
on us, even when we choose not to embrace Him.

God tells us not to worry, but have we ever explored the reasons why? Why are we challenged with situations that continually tempt our flesh, so seemingly uncontrollably, to fret? To spend countless minutes, hours, days in the bondage of obsession with outcomes lying out of our own human ability to control?

One reason, any student of the Bible would surmise, would be that worry equals doubt in God. Feeble faith. But I think it goes a little deeper. In my instance, for example, I do trust God. I know that He has a plan for my life. BUT I don't know what that plan is. I have God-given passions, and I am hopeful that I understand that my Kingdom assignment is not yet fulfilled, BUT I don't know. I want to believe that there will be no complications with this impending surgery, and I KNOW for a FACT that I am a child of The Most High God, so I don't question the post-death direction of my soul from my body. Knowing this singular fact, believing that I am chosen, forgiven, and loved, does not calm the raging sea of worry wreaking havoc inside my head: "what if I don't wake up?" my thoughts scream. Taking them captive, and turning them around, I hear the whisper "Then that is God's perfect will."

 "What about my kids?!" drowns out nearly every other thought.

The answer, "Are they not MY children? Did you not give them back to ME? Do I not have a plan to reconcile each of My precious and blood-bought children back to Me? Are they not covered by the blood of the new covenant? Am I a God that would take away all possibilities for them to know Me? Julie, you know Me better than that. You are asserting your meek control over My Own dominion. Why launch such a feeble attack on Me? Why threaten to regain control over a life that I have paid for, that was reclaimed by Me, by My Son, and by My Holy Spirit? I am not a God who backs down from a fight. I am not a God who relinquishes control over what is MINE. Julie, You are MINE. You chose to believe My love for you. You submitted your will to My perfect one. You died to your own flesh - why do you now try to resurrect that life? You cannot raise it from the dead, call it out from the deepest depths. You cannot find it behind my back - even I have forgotten about it. You know My love for you is worth what I paid for it. My daughter, let Me love you in My way. Let Me show you what I have planned for you. I ask only that you let Me. Let go of this chain. Give it to Me. Take up My yoke. Bear only what I give you to carry - what I have prepared in advance for you to haul. I am right here with you, waiting to absorb the pain, the hurt, the stress and the strife that you give Me. Let Me have it all, Julie. You cannot keep a piece of it for yourself - even a small parasite will contaminate an entire well of water. I will give you the desires of your heart. Trust and see that I am good."

I see a lot of repenting in my immediate future.

I am not sure if I will be posting again before Thursday. Know that you are loved - not just be me, but by a God who sent Himself in the flesh to die for you. Know that I have prayed for you - for each set of eyes reading this blog. May you find comfort in Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace.

Thank you for reading. I hope and pray that this moves you to delve deeper in a personal relationship with the Lord - He is waiting to reveal something to you. Are you poised to receive it?

Forever serving Him, for His glory,

Julie Kent