...Reminiscent...

Struggles and triumphs of days long past fill my mind today. While more than one quick glance in the rear-view of life can land you in serious trouble (i.e. regret, remorse, guilt, etc..), I find that a remembering some of the obstacles and joys God held me through, helps remind me of how far  He has brought me.

Just a few short years ago, I was living the dream. Well, maybe someone's dream. Not one that I care to hang on to anymore... Life unfolded before me at 20 years old, and the world was mine for the taking. I traveled, (Alaska, Europe, +), I partook in some unsavory extracurriculars, and lived on a fine line between "safe" and "fun". 

I will never forget that feeling of freedom. No responsibilities, no one (except Kevin and a dog) to care for, no one else's rules to follow....

...WHAM!... One day "life" hit me square between the eyes as I stared at a positive pregnancy test. I realized that God had a plan, and I needed to get on board with it. Fast.

Just a couple months into the Police Academy, I had to quit. In 6 weeks I was married and a mommy. That's a hard pill for any 21-year-old to swallow.  Getting back to my premise, I am reflecting on that short time of "freedom" today, because I now realize that I truly wasn't free. I was a slave to sin and I reveled in my bondage. Yes, I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, but I was doing life far outside the bounds of grace, falling short of the anointing on my life.

Isn't that true of so many of us today? Saved or not, are we fulfilling our potential in Christ to serve with our whole lives? I pondered this today, trying to decide what my potential is and how I know if I am giving or serving 'enough'.. I came to this conclusion: it is never 'enough'. If we look to ourselves to measure our level of sacrifice, we are missing the point of the Cross. Each and every one of us has a talent, a gift from God. It is our responsibility to discover it and apply it. When we are using that unique gift to advance the Kingdom agenda, we will never wonder if it is 'enough'. We will look for ways to give more, and complain less. We will be fulfilled in a way that no earthly pleasure could compare. We will thrive. And then, will we discover true freedom.

Maybe this doesn't even make sense to anyone else. Oh, well.

Thank You, Lord, for my freedom in You. Hallelujah!

...St. Peter Panther Cubs Class of 2011...

Well, it happened.

Justice graduated Preschool.

Anyone who thinks this is ridiculous, has obviously never experienced their own child in a tiny cap and gown, reciting Scriptures and singing songs about how Kindergarten will start in August...

Justice Nicole, I am SOOO proud of you! You are a darling little girl and I am elated that you are loving God and learning more and more about Him. I am blessed to be your Mommy. I love you, my little Nut. Forever and for always.

 "Shine like stars in the universe. Philippians 2 verses 14 and 15." -Justice

I think that I am going to make this a tradition, at the end of each and every school year!

...The End? Or a Beginning?...

Grief.

That word seems to be reserved for death, but I think that it is appropriate and applicable to the 'end' of things. I think that it is not death that our flesh grieves, but it is the end. End of life, end of love, end of a time, a season, a friendship.

This word has taken on a new meaning for me lately. I am humbled by the complete and total awareness of this grief that I now have.

The end that I am grieving, is the end of my season of childbearing. In just a few short weeks, I am going to lose my ability to conceive and grow a child within my body.

I was once, and continue to be, elated that the wonderful Doctor "ok'd" the hysterectomy, a medical necessity for me to have abundant life, to be the mom and wife God created me to be. Although I DO NOT want to have any more children, the fact that after June 30th, I will no longer have the choice is what plagues me.

The severely emotional part of me wants to cry and exclaim "God created women to have babies! If I can no longer have babies, what good am I?!" The rational part of me wants to counsel "This is for the best, and you will be much better off - physically and emotionally." But where does that leave the "me" that is in the middle, trying to sort it all out? It seems I should either be one or the other, happy or sad. But I just can't bring myself to decide.

Abba. Father. I so long to feel Your comfort and peace around me. I need Your grace. I need Your inspiration. I am so confused, how do I process this, God? How can I realize the plan laid before me is the one that You have already traveled? I am scared.

I know Your deliverance can be from, by, or into Your arms, but I am struggling to see the 'how'. I know that it is not for me to know, forgive me my presumptions. God, I repent of my pride, my selfishness and my arrogant attitude. Forgive me, Father. I humbly accept the price You paid for me, a gift of grace and mercy I could never earn. I love You Lord.

In Jesus' redeeming name, Amen.

My Child, you try so hard to shield your emotions from Me. You need to break down those walls and realize that I WANT you to bring it to Me. Cry out in your grief, your despair. Allow Me to comfort you and protect you. Abide in me - that means more that just following my perfect will. It means live out of the fruitfullness that I have provided. Live out your life through My grace and mercy. Extend it to others, share of My love and joy. If you are living in Me, you will never need to run to find Me. I am here. I am there. I am everywhere you could or should imagine yourself being. Down this path, that path, and any future path, I AM. Not was, not will be. I AM. I AM there. I AM here. I AM always. Forever. Eternal and constant.

I love you, my darling daughter.

...At A Loss...

So I had this post all pre-written and ready to type up and post, when a sudden (spontaneous!! lol <- for my Wed. morn class peeps!) thought came to mind. Well, not really A thought, as in one singular idea, but rather a series of thoughts about a singular topic. Loss.

My very dear friend and confidant lost one of her fur-children a week ago. Saturday we went to a memorial service for my great-great Uncle Paul, who died last week. And today, our friend Carlos' K9 partner Bogey lost his battle with cancer. I am saddened by so much loss, and really irked that we have to experience loss in the first place.

I know the story of sin, of the fall of man, and of our own every day struggles to live a life worthy of the Salvation that Christ so freely pours out - BUT- why the 'loss' ?  Why must this earthly existence be plagued by the empty and hallow feeling that comes from losing something that we love, cherish, or depend on?

Heavenly Father.......Abba.......

Oh, Lord, how I long to hear your words of comfort. Rush in like a flood, Almighty. Rain down Your love on the parched heart that seeks You.

...Bogey...

Today I was asked to do a photo shoot for a special friend.

It is difficult to talk about the reasons behind the shoot without getting emotional. You see, Carlos is a close friend of ours, and a former LPD K9 handler, like Kevin. Well, Carlos recently found out that Bogey, his former partner and current pet, has cancer.

We all know that once 'retired', our dogs won't live very long. It's a mark of the trade, I guess.

So today I captured a few shots and hopefully preserved a few memories for Carlos and his family, of a dear and faithful friend.

Bogey, thank you for your years of service, for your diligence, and for your companionship. You are an excellent dog. Whatever God's plans are, we know that you have impacted the lives of those who love you deeply. Good boy!

For more pictures, please visit www.juliekentphotography.blogspot.com

...Yoke...

Amid the bloggersphere, the Facebook 'recent activity' feed, and the Tweets, I have found that a considerable amount of people that I know are either pregnant, or have had a baby within the past month. While this news normally neither excites or depresses me, today I find my heart stirring with lackluster appreciation for the blessings I have already received, in the forms of Justice and Kayden.

Maybe it is that on the 19th, my fate will be sealed. Maybe it is the glaring evidence that I can never again conceive. Maybe it is that for once in my life, I am refusing to relinquish control of an issue that I can no longer control (trust me, it makes sense).

Today I am not burdened by pride, but by this bleak outlook. Which, by the way, to every other person in the world, is most definitely NOT bleak.

I know that the only way out of this funk is to repent. But what if I am not ready? What if I want -- eep! I can't believe I'm even saying this out loud!-- to wallow around in it a little bit? What if I want to chew it up before I spit it out? What would God say about that?

Well, here is what He said to me; may it bring refreshment to your parched spirit as it did to mine:

My Child,

I understand. I know that you long to be held, comforted, and understood. I am here, and I am holding you. Can't you feel that warm breeze across your face? Can't you feel the rays of the sun that I spoke into existence? Let the heat envelope you, penetrate the icy parts of your heart.

Dear one, you will learn to trust Me - sooner or later. If you don't want to let go of the little things, I will have to cause earthquakes and soul-shakes to force you to let go of the big things. Do you understand that it is all for your own good? For your own benefit?

Just as you protect your children in ways they cannot understand yet, so I protect you in ways I can only show you later. When you join Me in Eternity.

The tears you shed are not without cause, but they are without the ability to change the situation. Remember who I am, and you will see who you are. Abide in Me, Julie. Serve Me, and allow Me to pour Myself into your life in ways that will cause the pain to evaporate. You have a purpose. I have a plan for you. You are never alone, and you are never EVER beyond the grasp of My grace.

Do not fear, for I am with you. Remember those words? I taught you to recite them so long ago - but not long ago to Me. In an instant you will be walking with Me. In the blink of an eye you will be surrounded by Me. Is this the luggage you want to bring? I tell you, child, that if you refuse to let Me carry your load, you will have to bear the burden yourself. Take My yoke upon you, and let me take the rocks you have neatly packed on your shoulders. When you pull the load that I have for you, you will see that you do not pull the weight alone. Many hands make a burden light, but My hands erase it completely. There is no burden when you are following My instruction.

 You don't have to be sad. You don't have to wallow. Everything is a choice. You have free will. The only thing you have to ask yourself is this: are you willing to give it up? It is not about the 'this' and 'that', the specific issues or troubles that you send forth to My care. It is about the decision you have to make to honor My wishes and send it ALL to ME on a DAILY, HOURLY, or even a MINUTE-BY-MINUTE basis, because I desire to heal you, to carry the load, to erase the burden.

So, darling daughter, you can chew it up before you spit it out.

Or

You can realize that the flavor of strife is sour and bitter, and the abundance of the fruit you bear for Me is sweeter than any earthly sugar you will find.

The choice is yours.

I love your immeasurably and completely. Perfectly and divinely.

...Hearing God's Voice...

Sprinkled amongst the business these past 5 weeks, I have had precious little time to seek guidance from The Ultimate Counselor. I've been learning how to stop, be still, and listen to Him speak to me. It's been an awesome experience, and a challenge. The first key to hearing the voice of God flow within your heart is to be still. Anyone with at least one small child knows what a difficulty this task can be. But I am realizing that the house doesn't have to be quiet for my soul to be. Chaos can be raging, but I can purpose to be still. As I have learned to empower the Holy Sprit within me, I have gained much insight to my own fleshly existence.

One such encounter with the Creator went like this:

*April 27, 2011*

I pictured myself walking along the Sea of Galilee with Jesus. I saw Him cup my face in His hands and heard Him say "I love you. I am your Comfort. When you feel at peace, I have My arms around you."

I said to Him, "help me, Lord, to overcome my craving to dominate every meeting with You with words. Help me to just revel in Your presence."

And He replied, "you may think that you understand that I love you, but it is more than just trying to convince your mind. Believe. Faith comes from trust. Trust Me ni your heart. I KNOW. There is nothing you can hide. There is nothing I don't see. You can relax. You can breathe. You can rest. You can lose your grip on what you think reality is, and let Me live out my purpose for you through you. Just serve Me. You don't have to defend yourself on account of Me. Just follow Me. Trust that I am leading you exactly where I want you. Give it to Me. Are you still trying to impress people?"

At this point, I inturrupted Him, "God, why do You give me the chance to answer when You already know my heart?"

He responded, "I choose to. This is a two-way relationship. Proof your thoughts are your own, and these words are from Me."

...3/3 is all about FIVE!...

It is still hard to believe that my daughter is FIVE years old.

It doesn't seem possible that time can fly by as quickly as it does.  Justice loves girly-things. Whatever is PINK or PRINCESS. But she also loves to be outside and climb the trees in the backyard. I am amazed at her comprehension and vocabulary. It seems hard to grasp that she will be in Kindergarten when the summer is over. Justice has her own way, and can be bossy (I won't tell you who she takes after). If you were to ask Kevin or either of my parents, they will tell you that she is a me-clone. I retain my right to not comment. (heehee). One thing is for sure: she has an iron will and she absolutely LOVES to be involved with whatever is going on- she's quite the busybody. (in a good-natured way!)  She likes to write and play games like Angry Birds on Kevin's or my iPhone. She also enjoys playing board games and being read to.

Here are a couple photos from birth-present.

Justice Nicole Kent was born at 10:20pm, on April 13th 2006. 9lb 1oz and 21 inches long.

 Family photo when Justice was ONE in 2007

 There arent many pics of Justice at TWO without Kayden in them. But here is one.

 Justice on her THIRD birthday.

 Justice, FOUR years old.

And here is my girl at FIVE.



Merciful Father,

I thank you for my daughter. She has weaved together a family in love and joy.

Her smiles light up the lives of everyone who sees them - for Your glory. Lord, she has such a heart for You. She loves to learn about You and I pray that you would help me teach her. Help her to come to depend on You as I do. Let Your Spirit flow within her, and help stir her heart to serve.

I thank You, Almighty God, that You have transformed our lives with this precious gift. Continue to guide her towards You. I praise You and thank You with each breath, for the life of beautiful Justice.

In Jesus' Perfect Name,

Amen.



...Update 2/3...

It seems I can't even get my updates posted in a timely manner! I can assure you, it isn't for lack of trying! (I did spend 8+ hours yesterday-5/3- doing yard work)

So let me continue now with more goings-on from April...

April 10th was the wedding of Amanda Rodriguez and Vidal Romero in Foresthill. It was a nice wedding, with a GREAT venue! The highlight reel:

 My beautiful children

They love eachother! 

My boys: brother, father, son, and husband 

us girls: mother, daughter and me! 

I just love his face! 

My handsome man and I 

Mom and I 

 Pretty as a Princess

Handsome Boy 

 The vintage cars that took the wedding party to the ceremony venue - seen here outside the Lodge

 Amanda and Daniel. He walked her down the asile. So precious.

"...with this ring..." 

 the cake

 Dad.  We were all trying on all the funky hats in the bar, waiting for the reception to start

 Justice

 Kayden

Kevin 

Me 

 Amanda and Vidal

"cheers!" Justice tried Apple Cider for the first time 

the cutting of the cake 

 first dance as husband and wife

 Jus and Vidal.

Jus and Kayd 

They were so tired after all that partying. Aren't they too cute?!

April 13th was Justice's FIFTH birthday - a day which deserves a post of it's own.

On April 22, we went to our church's annual production of Picture Of Jesus. It's Jebby's Rock Opera-version of The Passion, and it is always wonderful! The 23rd was the Easter Run-n-Fun. I had a hard time with my 5k (but I finished!) and the kids each enjoyed their own kiddie races. Justice even made the front page of the Sports section of the LNS! It was exciting!

 Run, Justice, Run!

 Look at that girl go!

 Kayd at the starting line

 Run, Kayden, Run!!!

 I am so proud, son!

 All the kids: Kayden, Justice, Kyle, Colin and Keira

my kids.

On April 25th I saw Dr. Hickox for my 3-week post-op appointment. Hooray for finally getting through to him that I NEED A HYSTERECTOMY! The next step in this adventure is to get Dr. Gill to also approve the surgery (which shouldn't be a problem) and then schedule it! The sooner the WAY better... I'll keep you updated.

April 26th was Easter. We spent the day celebrating the RISIN LORD.

April 30th was the very first Treasure Box Delivery Day. I was blessed by so many wonderful volunteers. It went smoothly and even a hiccup like the truck being an hour early was not an issue! Praise the Lord for His favor in this endeavour.