...Yoke...

Amid the bloggersphere, the Facebook 'recent activity' feed, and the Tweets, I have found that a considerable amount of people that I know are either pregnant, or have had a baby within the past month. While this news normally neither excites or depresses me, today I find my heart stirring with lackluster appreciation for the blessings I have already received, in the forms of Justice and Kayden.

Maybe it is that on the 19th, my fate will be sealed. Maybe it is the glaring evidence that I can never again conceive. Maybe it is that for once in my life, I am refusing to relinquish control of an issue that I can no longer control (trust me, it makes sense).

Today I am not burdened by pride, but by this bleak outlook. Which, by the way, to every other person in the world, is most definitely NOT bleak.

I know that the only way out of this funk is to repent. But what if I am not ready? What if I want -- eep! I can't believe I'm even saying this out loud!-- to wallow around in it a little bit? What if I want to chew it up before I spit it out? What would God say about that?

Well, here is what He said to me; may it bring refreshment to your parched spirit as it did to mine:

My Child,

I understand. I know that you long to be held, comforted, and understood. I am here, and I am holding you. Can't you feel that warm breeze across your face? Can't you feel the rays of the sun that I spoke into existence? Let the heat envelope you, penetrate the icy parts of your heart.

Dear one, you will learn to trust Me - sooner or later. If you don't want to let go of the little things, I will have to cause earthquakes and soul-shakes to force you to let go of the big things. Do you understand that it is all for your own good? For your own benefit?

Just as you protect your children in ways they cannot understand yet, so I protect you in ways I can only show you later. When you join Me in Eternity.

The tears you shed are not without cause, but they are without the ability to change the situation. Remember who I am, and you will see who you are. Abide in Me, Julie. Serve Me, and allow Me to pour Myself into your life in ways that will cause the pain to evaporate. You have a purpose. I have a plan for you. You are never alone, and you are never EVER beyond the grasp of My grace.

Do not fear, for I am with you. Remember those words? I taught you to recite them so long ago - but not long ago to Me. In an instant you will be walking with Me. In the blink of an eye you will be surrounded by Me. Is this the luggage you want to bring? I tell you, child, that if you refuse to let Me carry your load, you will have to bear the burden yourself. Take My yoke upon you, and let me take the rocks you have neatly packed on your shoulders. When you pull the load that I have for you, you will see that you do not pull the weight alone. Many hands make a burden light, but My hands erase it completely. There is no burden when you are following My instruction.

 You don't have to be sad. You don't have to wallow. Everything is a choice. You have free will. The only thing you have to ask yourself is this: are you willing to give it up? It is not about the 'this' and 'that', the specific issues or troubles that you send forth to My care. It is about the decision you have to make to honor My wishes and send it ALL to ME on a DAILY, HOURLY, or even a MINUTE-BY-MINUTE basis, because I desire to heal you, to carry the load, to erase the burden.

So, darling daughter, you can chew it up before you spit it out.

Or

You can realize that the flavor of strife is sour and bitter, and the abundance of the fruit you bear for Me is sweeter than any earthly sugar you will find.

The choice is yours.

I love your immeasurably and completely. Perfectly and divinely.