...Emotional...

I had a conversation, if you can call it that, via text, with a very dear friend of mine. (You know who you are, Sister!)

I learned that we all go through season of sowing. We pray and ask for things that we don't know if we want. Then we are blessed in abundance because we thought that we knew best. I had it SO wrong! I have learned that there is no such thing as 'fading to obscurity'. That the people behind the scenes have a great deal of responsibility, and that everyone who has their hands in a project will reap the rewards. I learned that I do not have to be standing in the limelight to be recognized as the person God created me to be. The very person Christ died for. (Just as YOU are, dear reader!)

So, anyway, I don't know why I broke down and cried. This friend, she was surely sent by God Himself to be my Johnathan. To encourage me in Christ. (See 1 Sam 23:16). Finally, years of prayer for someone to understand what I am going through, someone to "get" me, and someone to relate to, have been answered in this beautiful package of a woman.

I am not saying that I don't have any other friends. My husband is my best friend, and there is none I would rather travel this road of life with. I am saying that God, the Orchestrator of Forever has given me the precious blessing of a friend in a wonderful woman who knows what I am going through as a wife, a mother, and a servant.

Even as the tears of relief continue to fall, my this prayer be like a sweet offering to the Lord.

God, You are so awesome! You know what I needed without me being able to express it.

Thank You, Lord for seeing the desires of my heart, and finding the longing I tried to keep hidden. Your perfect Word tells me that I am complete in You. And that without You, I am not really me. You give me identity and purpose.

I pray you would bless the works of my hands, God. I pray that you would use me to get this service project off the ground. I pray that you would bring volunteers in droves to ease the burden, many hands make the load light. Teach me to always give the yoke to You, Lord. I know that Your yoke is easy and Your burden light. Help remind me that I never have to do anything alone, or apart from You.

 Thank You for the blessing of Your Holy Spirit, for the discernment that You continually grant me, and for the hunger that is always unquelched in my soul to know You more.

Thank You for my friend. I so appreciate her gentle ways and her strength in You. Your ways are perfect, O Lord, Your timing impeccable. Thank You for sending my this encouragement. Thank You for molding me to be a friend in You for her also. You never cease to amaze me, and I am so grateful.

Thank You, Lord. Thank You a million times more than my lips have the energy to say. Thank You.

In the merciful name of Christ the Savior,

Amen.

...Attacked...

I don't think there is a better word for how I have felt these past couple weeks. Torn, depleted, disengaged, blah, emotional, and just all-around sad. There is a spiritual war going on, somewhere in the Heavenlies. My attitude is at stake.

The devil and his schemes are losing.

But I cannot, for the sake of transparency, say that I have not handicapped God. I have enclosed myself in a cocoon of lonliness. Yes, there are those precious few who I know continue to pray for me. And I have prayed for myself. But how do you combat the tireless and seemingly endless barrage of grenades dealing blow after blow to the thin sheet seperating you from devistation? Even when I sleep, my dreams are bombarded with negative images and thoughts that would make Stephen King terrified.

The only thing that has kept me from losing my sanity is God. Not my husband, who seems to busier than ever with work. Not my children - althought they do provide for decent distraction. Not the weather, because even the rain has kept me from my running. Just God.

In the quiet of the night, when I am drifting in the foggy place before sucoming to sleep, He speaks to my heart. He tells me that He is there. I can hear the wind whipping outside but I am not afraid. I can feel the floodwaters rise in my life, and I get the sinking feeling. BUT that still small voice grabs my attention. He tells me to let go. To reach out for Him.

Where would I be without the God of Creation, The God of Life, The God who saves?

Father God,

You are the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. You are the Keeper Of Creation, the Ancient of Days. You are Jehovah Rophi, the Devine Physician. You are the Healer. You are God, and You are good.

I thank You, Lord, for the storms You have navigated me through. Thank You for the character flaws that You have allowed me to see in myself, and thank You for giving me the opportunity to change.

God, I am so lost right now. I feel helpless. I feel stuck. You are Awesome, God, that I can cry out to You. That You hear me, on Your Throne. Thank You, mighty Jesus, for standing in the gap for me. For bringing my prayers to the Father through Your saving Blood.

Right now, Lord, I need your guidance. Right now, Abba Father, I need Your Comfort. Wash me in Your peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding.

God, I know that so often I act like I have it all together. I act like I can live life on my own. I rebuke that pride, in Jesus' name. I pray that You would continue to hold me in a place that I would never lose sight of You. Living life without You is not a life worth living at all. There is no life without You. There is no love without You. You are the bread of Life. You are Love. You fill me up, the Breath of Life.

You are more awesome than even I can describe.

All I know is that I cannot let go of You, Lord God. I cannot survive without You. You are my Shield. My Banner in Batle. My Victory. In You I find strength and sustinence.

I pray, God that You would provide a fortress of protection around my home. That it would be a place of love, understanding and safety. I pray that You would protect Kevin, Justice, Kayden and I as we go about our daily activities. Make us lights in the world, for Your glory.

In the merciful, mighty, saving name of Jesus the Christ,

Amen.

...A Picture Is Worth A Thousand "aww"s...

I forgot to post this picture.....

Justice and Kayden's annual Valentine's Day photo.

2011

...Bullying...

This is the article I submitted for the up-coming Connections Magazine:

I was at the grocery store with my daughter the other day, perusing the aisles and checking things off my list. When we came to the cereal aisle, my daughter stopped suddenly and tugged on my shirt, "Mommy, that is the mean boy from class." At that moment, aside from being thankful she whispered, I was filled with dread. Mean boy? Surely not that innocent little boy standing with his mother in front of the oatmeal! What a great moment to minister to my child's heart. Right there with the Cheerios. At the bottom of the matter, was a bully situation. This boy basically picked on kids in my daughter's class. Poking them, hitting them, and acting out. So, I explained to my innocent daughter that sometimes people are missing love in their lives, and they don't know how to act politely.

Now, I am a practical parent. I can't just explain to my children about forgiveness and send them back into a situation where there could be a bully. There are steps we can take as parents to ensure our children's safety at school, church, home, daycare, and everywhere in between:

#1- Listen to you children. Don't be quick to dismiss their cries. We must be protectors and guardians of their welfare- even while they may not be in our care.

#2 -Assess the situation. Use your parental instincts and pray for discernment. You know your children best. Ask yourself if the situation warrants a discussion with the child's teacher/day care provider/babysitter.

#3- Talk to the teacher. If she knows about the situation or about a potential problem, she can better keep an eye on your child, or the child in question. Or you can volunteer in your child's class. It's a great way to be proactive, and keep an eye on things at the same time.

#4- Follow up with the teacher. Do not let the problem go unresolved. If there are no other incidents, you can probably relax. If there are recurring issues, you can take the next steps. Usually schools and places that provide child care have a protocol in place for problematic or violent children.

If you are a parent of older or teenage children, bullying can manifest in other forms. The technology revolution has led to a rise in cyber-bullying, where people use the internet, social media sites (facebook, myspace, etc.) and email to taunt, slander and spread rumors. If your children have email, facebook, myspace, twitter, or any other internet-based accounts, I urge you to be vigilant. Keep an eye on what your child sends and receives.

While these steps don't apply to all manner of situations, there are a good jumping-off point . As parents, we all need to talk to our children. No matter their age. We need to listen. We need to love. We need to be proactive. Most importantly, we need to pray.

...10 little Questions...

I was listening to Family Life radio the other day, and there was a 2-part program where these ten questions that 'husbands should ask their wives' were being discussed. I'm not going to get into what my husband and I talked about, but here are the questions. Some of them I found profound. I pray that you and your spouse are able to have great conversation and truly connect over these:

1- What can I do to cause you to feel more loved and cherished?

2- What can I do to illustrate the fact that I respect you, your ideas, and your goals?

3- What can I do to assure you that I hear you and what is on your heart?

4- What can I do to make you feel absolutely secure?

5- What can I do to make sure you have confidence and joy in our future?

6- What attribute would you most like me to develop?

7- What attributes would you like me to help you develop yourself?

8- What achievement in my life would bring you greatest joy? (there are no typo's ..... this is how it was said. but truly, it is powerful!)

9- What would indicate to you that I truly desire to be more Christ-like?

10- What mutual goal would you like us to accomplish?

There you have it. Now get to talkin'!

...TRUTHS I have learned about a marriage...

4 years, 10 months, 16 days......

That is how long I have been married. Sometimes I am amazed that Kevin and I have been married for such a short time, because of everything that we have been through these past 4 years. In total, our relationship spans the course of nearly 7 years. I met Kevin in 2000, but I can say that I have 'known' him since March 2001, when he got hired at LPD. Sheesh, that seems like forever ago!

Over the turbulent and joyous time since we made our covenant before God and man, there are some truths that I have learned about marriage. I am not saying that these truths are applicable to every marriage, just what I have learned about my own.

TRUTH #1- It doesn't matter if you gain 30 pounds, have 2 kids, and are covered in stretch marks; he still wants to see you naked. (plus more).

I gained 60 pounds in the 6 week pregnancy I had with Justice. (For more info on this phenomenon, please read the 'Justice' post). I have a 10-inch scar from the cesarean section that was required to remove our beautiful 9-lb 1-oz girl from my body. Just 22 months later, my abdomen was inflicted with another 10.5-inch incision that is now a scar; this one marks the birth of our 9-lb 6-oz son. Stretch marks cover my breasts, my stomach, my sides, and my thighs. Apparently my skin has zero elasticity. But seriously, my stomach looks like it was mauled by a tiger. However, my husband's eyes cannot see them. It really is the most amazing thing. In August of last year, I had a laparoscopy. The 3 incisions left 3 scars on my abdomen. I am completely repulsed by my body, and the scars and stretch marks that litter my midsection. It baffles me that he can look at me and see a beautiful woman. It mystifies me that he can look at my body and be turned on. Alas, it is a truth. I think that if more of us women are courageous enough to bare our bareness to our husbands, they would be altogether happier people. Thank-You, Lord for my husband's blindness!

TRUTH #2- He will never understand why we take so long to get ready, seek approval, and change outfits.

I am definitely guilty of this, from time to time. I take care to pick out an outfit that I think looks good, especially if it's for a 'date' with my man. I select articles of clothing that might not be the most comfortable. I take care to squeeze into clothing that I think looks 'good'. Then I parade myself in front of my husband, desperate for a compliment. He seldom disappoints. I typically read way too much into this compliment, and end up changing my outfit, thinking that I don't look as good as he says I do. Well, that, and the 'uncomfortable!' thought finally makes its way to the forefront of my mind.

I think we would make things easier on ourselves, and our husbands, if we just go with what we feel good in, versus what I think I look good in, when selecting outfits. Who am we trying to impress anyway? We already married the loves of our lives, why do we care what the matre'd thinks?

TRUTH #3 - He will NEVER (ever!) compliment your cooking unless you ask him to.

If you are anything at all like me, you were no Julia Child entering your marriage. And no matter how long-winded you try to make your dinner-table-prayer, at some point he will have to bite into the food you have slaved away to prepare. But in between mouthfuls, as he chews and swallows, a compliment lurks. Powerful words that can send us into a dizzying mess of tears or fantastic giggles of victory. Ladies, here is the key to surviving your bout with the kitchen appliances: if he is eating it, it is good enough. You don't need to be Bobby Flay, just as long as you honor him with actually cooking dinner, and it tastes good enough to warrant a second bite, you have earned your gold star. Many an argument has been avoided in my home since I learned to take the fact that he is eating the food, as a compliment. And I think he will tell you that I have actually improved!

TRUTH #4 - He will never understand what it is you "do" all day that prohibits you from showering, changing out of sweats, or vaccuming.

Unless you are blessed with an extraordinarily sensitive man, he will, at some point, question your activities. I have learned that it doesn't benefit the situation OR your relationship to get defensive. All you can do is take a deep breath, and try to calmly explain. And pray that HE gets the opportunity to care for your children for a full day with no help. (I think I hear a pedicure calling my name!)

and finally, TRUTH #5- Praying together is more powerful and more bonding than anything else you could ever do with your mate.

Kevin and I haven't always been the best at praying together. But it has been the cord that has kept us from unraveling. Praying together is the most intimate thing you can do together. When you expose your fears and victories in prayer and petition to God, you make yourself more vulnerable to your spouse, but also more strong. There is nothing more attractive about me to my husband than my faith. And when I hear him pour his heart out to God, I grow closer to Him and my husband. I know better how to honor Him and my husband. I know better how to love Him and my husband.

Some days the only think I love about my husband is the God in him. But we made a covenant with God. We chose to be joined forever with Him in this marriage. There is no 50/50. There is only 100% service by both of us to the Lord. And when we serve Him in our marriage, we honor each other.

...Once Upon A Time...

It seems I could write novels about the exploitations of my little brother. Seriously, novels. But the latest development is far more different and complex than any other. At least, thus far.
Sit back, get comfy, and let me paint the dramatic and heartbreaking tale:
Ryan has been ill for a few weeks now. Just sick. It started with flu-like symptoms which prompted a doctor's visit on February 4th. I took him in and the doctor dismissed him with a 5-second look-over. It's just the flu...... or so we thought.
Fast forward a week to the 10th. Ryan seems fine and we go pheasant hunting with Dad, Rick and Becky. We has a great time. By the 11th, Ryan is bundled in blankets and literally throwing-up everything.
On the 12th my parents take him into the ER, on the advice of the doctor. After some blood work and a spinal tap, the ER doctor is able (thank-You, Lord!) to rule out meningitis. It seems Ryan has sepsis at this point. He comes home and sleeps most of the 13th. On the 14th he thought he felt slightly better, and even had lunch with my family.. By the evening of the 14th, Ryan is again in distress.
While in the ER this time, his stool culture from the 12th comes back, and Ryan has colitis. (CDC). They also determine that Ryan has pneumonia in the bottom lobe of his left lug.
SO...
Where does that leave him, you might be wondering?
He is currently in a segregated room at Lodi Memorial, getting antibiotics and fluids via iv. He is restless and his moods fluctuate. (wouldn't you think yours would too if you were cooped up?) We hope that Ryan will be home later this week. For now, our contact is limited, and we have to gown-up and adorn those grey hospital gloves to even go into his room. We try to be positive and upbeat about this whole experience. But it is hard to keep in mind that, at least this time, Ryan's hospitalization is not due to his own actions.
I am struggling to empathize with him, and I keep the issue on the top of my short-list with God.
Sometimes I wish life would be easier. Or less stressful.
Then I take a refresher course in Christ-Following-101 and I remember that we are not called to a life of ease. We are not called to be comfortable. We are not called to be of the world, with her disgusting ego and gross air of entitlement. We are called to take up our cross and follow Him who went before us, daily. We are called to die to sin, and thus die to self. We are to serve, not self-serve. We are called to love and give, not hate and take. I am so grateful God slaps me upside the head and keeps my selfishness in check.

...Leave A Message...

Maybe it is the season of life in which I currently find myself. Maybe it is just the lifestyle of my family. Maybe, just maybe, it is ME..... cue "Jaws" theme music.

For some reason, whatever it may be, I seem to be racing through life at breakneck speed. I find my hands are in so many projects and my irons are hot in the blazing furnace.

Oh, sure, Im a master magician. I can fool anyone into thinking that I am poised and graceful, that I have it all undercontrol while still managing to serve dinner 'Leave It To Beaver' style. But that, my friend, is so far from the truth!

In reality I am a crazy mess. I ramble during conversations with my husband, when I try to catch him up on all the comings-and-goings of daily life. I feel out-of-breath and out-of-sorts.

BUT...

There is a specific reason that I appear in full coontrol: God is!

God is the sticky gule that holds me together. When I seek to rest in Him, I have renewed strength.

The Almighty Sustainer keeps me grounded and secure.

I hope that you not only know this God, the God, but that you have a relationship with Him.

February 14th..... so, what?!

** I has this post typed last week, and meant to post it on Monday, Feb 14, however, with the turmoil and distress surrounding my family at this time, I forgot. Sorry. Enjoy it now, if you'd like:**


Valentines Day means very little to me in terms of holidays. I find it rediculous that there are people out there that have high expectations for romance on this one day of the year, or virtually any other. Hallmark is reeping the benefits of our ignorance for what this day really means!

Here are some historical facts about the day that makes people swoon, via Wikipedia:

"Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine.[5] The Valentines honored on February 14 are Valentine of Rome (Valentinus presb. m. Romae) and Valentine of Terni (Valentinus ep. Interamnensis m. Romae).[6] Valentine of Rome[7] was a priest in Rome who was martyred about AD 269 and was buried on the Via Flaminia. His relics are at the Church of Saint Praxed in Rome,[8] and at Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church in Dublin, Ireland.

Valentine of Terni[9] became bishop of Interamna (modern Terni) about AD 197 and is said to have been martyred during the persecution under Emperor Aurelian. He is also buried on the Via Flaminia, but in a different location than Valentine of Rome. His relics are at the Basilica of Saint Valentine in Terni (Basilica di San Valentino).[10]
The Catholic Encyclopedia also speaks of a third saint named Valentine who was mentioned in early martyrologies under date of February 14. He was martyred in Africa with a number of companions, but nothing more is known about him.[11]
No romantic elements are present in the original early medieval biographies of either of these martyrs. By the time a Saint Valentine became linked to romance in the 14th century, distinctions between Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni were utterly lost.[12]
In the 1969 revision of the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints, the feastday of Saint Valentine on February 14 was removed from the General Roman Calendar and relegated to particular (local or even national) calendars for the following reason: "Though the memorial of Saint Valentine is ancient, it is left to particular calendars, since, apart from his name, nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14."[13] The feast day is still celebrated in Balzan (Malta) where relics of the saint are claimed to be found, and also throughout the world by Traditionalist Catholics who follow the older, pre-Second Vatican Council calendar. "

And so, for what my 2-cents is worth, I recommend we all search for a deeper relationship with our Savior on this day, rather than buy in to the media's impression that we all deserve some sort of romantical (if that isn't a real word, I think it should be!) validation. That is what this day is about, what every single day should be about. We can express our love for eachother by serving the God Almighty, who's namesake is Love, itself (1 John 4:8) and who proves over and over and over that He truly loves us (John 3:16, Romans 8:38-39, Psalm 136)



...Of All Shapes & Sizes...

As women we are all vaguely similar. But for some reason unbeknownst to me, we discredit ourselves or others. We are our own worst enemies and fight with eachother no for good reason. We feel threatened by eachother and we try to impress eachother. As women, I think we need to bond together. To share life's joys and mireries in communion. I believe God intended us all to get along. He wove our heartstings together.

I was channel surfing today and I stopped on some random cable channel featuring a reality show. I recognized Tori Spelling and her husband. The show was about their lives, and the cameras followed Tori to the hospital, where she planned to have a c-section and give birth to her 2nd child.

At one point, the doctor came into the room and told her she was going to have to walk to the O.R.. Over the next few minutes, Tori had an emotional breakdown and began sobbing. She was afraid and anxious. Immediately, I felt her pain. It was just (nearly) 3 short years ago I was going through the same thing. I felt those fears, those anxieties, those reservations. I trembled, I cried, and I walked myself down the hall to the O.R.. I waited, for what seemed like hours, strapped down and behind a curtain. I couldnt see what was going on. I felt helpless as my team of Doctors and nurses tried to calm my high blood pressure to deliver my son safely.

So hours after the show ended, God gave me this idea. To write about this singular commonality with women: there is something, some -maybe one- idea, feeling or circumstance that ties us each to one another. Though we may only see that we are women, I am convinced there is more than just our sex.

I think that though each of our stories is unique, we as women all share a commonality. It may not be that every woman experiences childbirth this way. But it may be that you love someone who is BiPolar. I do. It may be that you married an only child. I did, and let me tell you, I would LOVE to share with you over a cup of coffee any time!! (I wonder if your mother-in-law is as much of a character as mine is?)

It may be that you and I come from different backgrounds with entirely different family dynamics. But I believe that God has woven into us a complete and whole ability to empathize with eachother for nothing other than the commradorie. The feeling of not going through life alone, even with Him. Does that make sense?

If you would like to chat, or need someone to reach out to, feel free to email me.

mrsjuliekent@yahoo.com

I may not understand everything that you are going through, but I can promise that I am a good listener and would love to know how I can pray for you.

2011 Valentine Picture

Thanks again to Bre at BW Black & Whites for another year of awesome V-day pics!

K-Love's Contest

Here is my 250-word synopsis of our love story -if you can call it that:

Kevin and I met when he was a cadet in the police academy, and I was a cadet with the local police department. We were role-playing during a training scenario, where Kevin was a "bad-guy" and I was a "victim". Over the course of the scenario, he stepped on my hand! It hurt bad, but I let it go, determined to never see him again. But I couldn't stop thinking about him, and a couple months later he got hired at the same police department! We had a working relationship, but I secretly was in love. We succeeded at avoiding each other for months until he responded to an alarm call at a gym I worked at. That was 7 years ago, and we have been together ever since, married for 5 years this April. We have two beautiful children.


We put God first, and have made sacrifices to honor Him above all. I quit the police academy when we found out we were pregnant with baby #1, and have never looked back. God has taught us to depend on Him, and each other. We have been through so much together; dealing with estranged family, my bi-polar brother's suicide attempts, a miscarriage, loss of income and looming foreclosure. God has a plan. We serve together in our home church and are raising our children to serve God. I wake up every morning grateful for my best friend, and the opportunity to be obedient to God in this covenant of marriage.

Whatever Happened to "Free Time" ?

As a fairly active mother of two, I must say that these past two weeks have been difficult. Not that life itself has been trying, it has just been difficult for me to keep up. I feel exhausted, overdrawn, and completely frazzled.

Yes, dear ones, this is exponentially different from any other time I label myself frazzled. What I'm talking about is this deep feeling of tired. So tired that I can barely get out of bed, go through my morning routine of kids dressed, fed, and out the door. So tired that by the time I get home from dropping off Justice from school, I am literally falling asleep. I am ready for a nap. I have absolutely NO clue where this is coming from!

Years ago, when I was a new mom, I battled Postpartum Depression. I had the same lethargy. But there is absolutely nothing in my life at this moment that I feel even slightly depressed about. I am just plain ole, flat out T-I-R-E-D!

I don't know that there has even been enough business in my life since my last post that can constitute my utter exhaustion. I have had two sick children, a special event at church, filed my taxes, attended 3 birthday parties with my family, started hosting a new Bible Study, started a second Bible study, attended a concert, a crab feed, and have taken a fun day-trip to Concord. Then there are the every day activities that include but are not limited to diaper changing, receipt filing, and schedule managing. I have taken everyone to their doctor appointments and spent every day until the 22nd fasting. On top of running and training for my 3rd Half Marathon. . .

OK, I see your point. I am a busy lady. But I just don't see how I can be THIS tired from the particular schedule I keep... That being said, I would like to share a little more about some of these comings-and-goings and less about me.

I apologize in advance for the pictures not being in chronological order!!

 Club 31 on Jan 15th at Bear Creek. 175 women strong!

 The beautiful Barbara Cameron was the Club 31 speaker in January. What a marvelous person she is!

 Barbara Cameron and I after the Club 31 event

 Kayden, Kevin and his cousin Tad Jan 16th. Kevin hadn't seen Tad in 7-8 years.

The Griffins, The Gomez', and us at the TobyMac Winter Wonder Slam concert at UC Davis. January 23

Brandon Heath. Jan 23

TobyMac. Jan 23

 

 Celebrating Grandma Great's 92nd Birthday. January 30.

 My family with Grandma Great.

 Grandma Great, my grandmother, and some of my cousins and I with our kids.

 The kids at the Olde San Francisco Creamery in Walnut Creek. Home of the famous Kitchen Sink. January 17.

 January 21... My poor sickie Kayden.

 The Packers are going to the SUPERBOWL!!!! We are one thrilled family! Jan 23



So this is a glimpse of some of the fun things that we have been up to. I'm sure I will have more to say later.... after a nap!