...Attacked...

I don't think there is a better word for how I have felt these past couple weeks. Torn, depleted, disengaged, blah, emotional, and just all-around sad. There is a spiritual war going on, somewhere in the Heavenlies. My attitude is at stake.

The devil and his schemes are losing.

But I cannot, for the sake of transparency, say that I have not handicapped God. I have enclosed myself in a cocoon of lonliness. Yes, there are those precious few who I know continue to pray for me. And I have prayed for myself. But how do you combat the tireless and seemingly endless barrage of grenades dealing blow after blow to the thin sheet seperating you from devistation? Even when I sleep, my dreams are bombarded with negative images and thoughts that would make Stephen King terrified.

The only thing that has kept me from losing my sanity is God. Not my husband, who seems to busier than ever with work. Not my children - althought they do provide for decent distraction. Not the weather, because even the rain has kept me from my running. Just God.

In the quiet of the night, when I am drifting in the foggy place before sucoming to sleep, He speaks to my heart. He tells me that He is there. I can hear the wind whipping outside but I am not afraid. I can feel the floodwaters rise in my life, and I get the sinking feeling. BUT that still small voice grabs my attention. He tells me to let go. To reach out for Him.

Where would I be without the God of Creation, The God of Life, The God who saves?

Father God,

You are the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. You are the Keeper Of Creation, the Ancient of Days. You are Jehovah Rophi, the Devine Physician. You are the Healer. You are God, and You are good.

I thank You, Lord, for the storms You have navigated me through. Thank You for the character flaws that You have allowed me to see in myself, and thank You for giving me the opportunity to change.

God, I am so lost right now. I feel helpless. I feel stuck. You are Awesome, God, that I can cry out to You. That You hear me, on Your Throne. Thank You, mighty Jesus, for standing in the gap for me. For bringing my prayers to the Father through Your saving Blood.

Right now, Lord, I need your guidance. Right now, Abba Father, I need Your Comfort. Wash me in Your peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding.

God, I know that so often I act like I have it all together. I act like I can live life on my own. I rebuke that pride, in Jesus' name. I pray that You would continue to hold me in a place that I would never lose sight of You. Living life without You is not a life worth living at all. There is no life without You. There is no love without You. You are the bread of Life. You are Love. You fill me up, the Breath of Life.

You are more awesome than even I can describe.

All I know is that I cannot let go of You, Lord God. I cannot survive without You. You are my Shield. My Banner in Batle. My Victory. In You I find strength and sustinence.

I pray, God that You would provide a fortress of protection around my home. That it would be a place of love, understanding and safety. I pray that You would protect Kevin, Justice, Kayden and I as we go about our daily activities. Make us lights in the world, for Your glory.

In the merciful, mighty, saving name of Jesus the Christ,

Amen.