...Feeling the Slip...

Hello, dark cloud. I've seen you before.

I thought that I banished you with post-partum blues YEARS ago. Why have you returned to hunt me?

I'm fine. No, really... I am FINE.

I am. Only my life seems to be falling apart.

But other than that...

STOP IT  the voice inside my head screams. What am I going down this road again? Why do I entertain the thoughts and doubts that keep my from embracing the liberating Truth that I AM FREE?

I'm back in that place where I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, I don't want to put on makeup and get dressed. I want to wallow in the weight-gain and breakouts that are plaguing me. But why?!

Lord! Abba, Father! Master! Teacher! I cry out to You when I have no words. I cry out to you though my Spirit seems dry. I know You are Good. I know You are Just. I KNOW YOU ARE FAITHFUL. I just can't bring myself to walk in that knowledge. I shrink away from Your wholeness and instead of embracing the Sword to vanquish the enemy's schemes, I seem to be running for them with empty arms. With tears.

I have not turned my back on You, God. I am still here, obedient. I just can't seem to get my body to move in Your direction. I am stuck in this idle place where I hear You but do not see. I know You are close but I do not feel You.

Help me to live in Your Grace.

Child, I know. You need not explain to me that which is beyond your words. I know.

Be still and know Me.

When you slow yourself down, and spend a few seconds, a few minutes, a few hours with Me and only Me, do you not feel refreshed? I cannot shower you with peace if you will not receive it. You have to take the steps to hear from Me. I will not shout if you will not be humble. You have to want Me, dear one, for Me to pour out my grace on you.

If darkness looms in your mind, you have got to call on Me.

You have to have Faith in Me. Even as small as a hint, a glimmer, a mustard seed.

Do you remember the first time you heard My voice? The first time I spoke to your heart and shared My love for you, with you? Can you take yourself back to that time? Was it dark?

The despair that you clung to, I rescued you from. I promised that I would never take you back to that place, so why do you take yourself there?

I am still with you. Always with you. Never will I leave you, there isn't a place that you can go to be apart from Me.

So do not run to the dark, run to Me. Immerse yourself in My Light.

Julie, I am enough. I AM....

...and I love you.