Death is a part of life. We have to die to be able to spend eternity with God, except for Enoch and Elijah (Gen5:24/2Kings2:11), or being caught up in the Rapture. 'Dying' isn't (and shouldnt be) hard for Christians to comprehend, but death is a difficult concept to grasp sometimes. I consider myself a good Christian. Of course, everyone has room for improvement. Ive never claimed to be perfect. But, I accepted Jesus as my Savior years ago, and I love God. I do my best to walk the straight and narrow, and devote my life to His service. BUT... confronted with mortality in the form of familial death, I admit, I question myself, my mortality, my faith, even God. I know, who am I to question God, right?! Really, I mean I completely understand. But the human of me want to know the 'why'. Maybe Ive convinced myself that it is a primitave need, the wanting to know. (Maybe thats how I deal with my bossy inner-child). Why?! Is that such a big question? 3 letter. Why? Why, God, does it hurt so bad? Why, God, did it have to be him? Her? Why, Father God, must we suffer this painfully devastating loss to be eternally satisfied with You in Heaven? Why now? Why not then? ...There are literally hundreds of similar questions; some specific, some general. I get so annoyed that I even want to know why. Yet, the yearning for fleshly answers continues to haunt me. Is it good that I recognize this? I know Im still learning. Maybe faced with the ultiamte satisfaction, the opportunity to ask God "why?", maybe I wouldn't. Maybe I dont want to know the answer. God knows best (obviously), and I don't "need" to know.
SO does the rational part of my brain make quiet the irrationality of my questioning spirit? Maybe (that seems to be my answer du jour -sorry). Maybe it's just time I go to sleep. And dream that one day, we will all be together again in Heaven. And then, on the glorious day, I know in my heart that the "why" won't even matter. (Thank You, Jesus!)
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