To every woman who has suffered a miscarriage or still-birth: You are strong. Women were designed resilliant by the Creator. I understand your plight, I have been in your shoes. Though a baby was stolen from me, I was able to carry on, and have another. We do not know why we have these circumstances, and if you are a Believer, in many ways the questioning could be worse. . . Why, God, would you let me get pregnant at all, if you were going to take this baby from me? What, God, could You possibly have taught me in those quiet hours that you could not teach me through my obedience in Your Word?
I even struggled with feelings of not being a good enough Mommy to the beautiful and precious life already gifted to me. I thought that maybe God was punishing me. Maybe He thought that Im not a good enough mommy?........ Silence from God. I prayed and prayed. I asked WHY?! Why, God, if You are good, would You hurt me so deeply. I am defined by motherhood. This miscarriage shook me to the very core of my beliefs.
Then one morning, after wallowing in bed for a full day and night, I woke up. I continued to breathe. I realized that life goes on, and that there was a purpose. Through this unfortunate circumstance, I became acutely aware of just how precious life is. I am solid in my walk through my mothering years, with the Lord as my Guide. I live in the reality that these two beautiful children that I am blessed to call mine, are not my own. They are a gift. A special gift from God. He, in His infinate grace and love, only bestowed on me this gift for a short time. Too soon they will grow up. Or be called home to the Father. Not that I am looking forward to that day, dont misunderstand me. But only God knows the number of our days, and only God decides when He wants our company in Heaven.
To the baby waiting for me: though I didnt know your face, I love you. As only a mother can love a heartbeat in her womb, I love you. I look forward to meeting you in Heaven, someday. But for now, please delight in watching from afar the life your daddy and I have created for your sister and brother her on earth.
Thank you for that Julie....Not a lot of people talk about it because of all the pain and guilty feelings and emotions.I think it does need to be talked about and that women need to be there to support each other in it!
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