...21-Day Fast, Day 14 insights...

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied" 

Matthew 5:6

As we close out this fast with the last 7 days, your focus should be on what you have been praying for, what you have been asking God to do, and how you are going to use what you have been learning from Him, to honor Him. 

This verse holds a promise that I personally keep before me at all times. When we hunger and thirst for more than food, when we long to be satisfied by God Almighty, Himself, we can rest assured that we will be satisfied. Doesn't that paint a beautiful picture of a gracious Savior? When we make Him our priority, our focus, and the object of our affection and praise, we will be satisfied. More than just a ceasing to the tummy grumbles. More than just a breakthrough in finances, hurts, addictions, or relationships. A deeper, eternal satisfaction that only He can provide. And one that we must position ourselves to receive, by directing our hunger and thirst to His will.

Today, I am looking forward to the rest of the year. I am poised and ready to receive direction. I am hungry for things this world and all of it's delicacies cannot satisfy. I am hungry for a revelation and fresh perspective from my God. Finish strong, friends. We are so near the end! 

Whether you have struggled, cheated, or fought not to give up, I challenge you to look ahead. To sanctify these last 7 days as days of specific effort, to honor God, by denying yourself, and following Him. 

I love you, and I am right here with you! 

To God be the glory!

...21-Day Fast, Day 13 insights...

"Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord. And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ" 

1 Peter 2:1-5

This passage of scripture likens those of us in Christ to newborn babies. Newborns are, or maybe it was just that my own 9-pound newborns were, constantly hungry. Longing for nutrition and sustenance. Longing for mother's milk. In the same way, we are supposed to be longing for the pure Word of God. That is where life comes from. I love that Peter writes that from the devouring of the Word, we are supposed to grow in relation to Salvation. I interpret this to mean that we are supposed to be living out our Salvation. We live on this side of the Cross, where grace and mercy and love abound. Fulfilled is the law, and heaven awaits those who accept Salvation through Jesus. This is the area where we are to mature. Mature in faith. Have you tasted the kindness of the Lord lately? Have you been feeding on the Word? Have you tasted the sweet victory on Calvary? Do you walk in the maturity of grace and love in Jesus? I don't know about you, but I sure am longing for the pure milk of the Word today. I am just about done with this whole 'fruits and veggies' thing, and I hunger for a fresh revelation from God. As I watched my children thank God for their fish sticks last night, I was convicted to thank God for the pure milk of the Word. For it is by this Word that we live, grow, mature, and in return share with others. The kindness of the Lord tastes sweeter than any piece of chocolate. As we fast, we are offering ourselves as a living sacrifice to a living and present God, who wants us to grow up to be like His Son. Today my perspective is this: I do not have to fast. My faith allows me the freedom to be obedient, and this fast is a fast of thankfulness for the liberty in Jesus I am trying to mature in, live from, and enjoy. Today, get in the Word, and you will taste and see that the Lord is good. He will sustain you, offer you fresh perspective, and an opportunity to grow in Salvation. 

...21-Day Fast, Day 12 insights...

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.." 

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Comfort. 

That word can have many different meanings and conjure up many different pictures. You may imagine a soft and cozy blanket, curled up next to a fire. You may imagine some food. We all think of comfort differently. When you think about your affliction, your suffering for Christ, what do you see as the comfort for that situation, that grief, that pain, or even as the help through this fast? Do you see God as the Comforter through your hunger? Do you call out to Him in the midst of the temptation? It is easy to forget that Christ suffers with us. That what we are going through during this time of fasting and prayer is just a small portion of what He went through before us.  In a similar way, we are being shaped and molded through this fast, to encourage and comfort those around us. Those whom we have been given the authority of influence over. This may be a years-long process, learning from the Comforter how to be a comfort. But if you are faithful through it, not only will you learn more deeply about the Comforter Jesus is, but you can learn to activate and even personify that attribute of His character to bless others. Dig in, my friends. The longest stretch is behind us, but the power of the Living God lays before us to complete the work we set out in Christ to do. Amen!

...21-Day Fast, Day 11 insights...

"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind." 

James 1:5-6

It is so easy to get caught up in the process of fasting, that you start to let a little pride creep in. Suddenly, you think you can walk through the remaining days of this fast all by your self. You might even, engrossed by the self-affliction, forget the purpose for the fasting altogether.  The book of James talks a lot about the 'action' of faith. But these verses speak to the process by which we are to be compelled to that action. Wisdom. And not wisdom that we come by on our own. Wisdom straight from the mouth of God.

Today, pray for wisdom. Pray believing, in faith, for God to reveal His perfect will for you. Pray for the wisdom to discern and understand what He is revealing to you.

God is faithful. He will show you His way. It may not be your way, but trust that it is the best way.

Set your eyes on the Lord, and do not get distracted by your hunger. Dive deep and commit to today. Forget yesterday. Don't worry about tomorrow. Today, get in the Word and ask God to grant you His wisdom. Ask Him to help you keep your focus on Him. Ask Him to use this time of fasting to reveal Himself to you. Choose today to reflect on the reason you started fasting. Determine to put God first. Humble yourself and honor Him. And wait expectantly to hear His wise Words.

...21-Day Fast, Day 10 insights...

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.." 

Ephesians 6:1-3

Sorry that this posting is so late in the day. This morning our family took some time to encourage those fasting in our local church. When asked why they are fasting, what fasting means, and what they are fasting from, our children didn't hesitate. They didn't look coyly at mom and dad, they didn't answer "because Mommy said so." They gave their own, personal, straightforward answers. And my heart swelled with so much love and thankfulness to Jesus, I was sure I would burst into tears. 

These verses in Ephesians speak volumes to the legacy we are trying to teach our children. We are teaching them to honor God the Father, first and above all. By shaping their impressions as babies, and nearly wearing our our knees in prayer, our children (8 and 6) have already chosen to believe in Jesus for Salvation, and to live for God's perfect will. Because Kevin and I live out our faith authentically (this means we show them what it means to sin and repent, apologize and seek forgiveness and reconciliation, and -most importantly- how to love as best we can),  Justice and Kayden have chosen to honor God, which honors us as parents. We are so proud of the little people they are growing up to be. And our continued prayer is that it will be well with them, and that they will live long on the earth. 

Today, take some time to meditate on the legacy of faith that you are leaving for your family. If you have loved ones, children, maybe even grandchildren that are far from God, know that we are praying for them today too. Ask God how you can use this time of fasting to honor Him. Not just in action, but completely, with your whole heart.

 We are nearly half way done, my friends. And let me tell you, that Victory in Jesus will taste so sweet!!

...21-Day Fast, Day 9 insights...

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12

This morning, after eating some veggies yesterday, I went for a run. I am a runner. It is something that I absolutely loathe and love, simultaneously. I had been off the pavement for 4 weeks, due to vacations, trips, and holidays. Finally today, I had enough strength and nutrients in my body to run. And I thought a lot about this fast, about some recent unforeseen circumstances that have been stressful, and about my relationship with God. And this is what I have come up with: Grace is not reserved for God to impart only on me. It is by the Law of Grace that I live and move and breathe. Every person deserves the same grace from me, as I have been given by my gracious King, Jesus.

Whatever circumstances happen, they are not orchestrated by the people on earth, as it appears. The plight of a person who believes in the Risen Lord is not strictly manipulation by another, but a careful and deliberate attack on us from the "forces of wickedness in the heavenly places". 

Your husband is not the cause of your unhappy marriage. Your wife is not deliberately trying to sabotage your happiness. Your kids are not willfully attacking you. The enemy of your soul is using whatever medium he can, to get to you. To get under your skin, and tempt you. Tempt you to stop fasting, stop praying, stop seeking a deeper relationship with God. It is not coincidence that you are more attacked when you deliberately set out to get closer to The Lord. 

So... now we know the real root of the problem plaguing your health, your finances, your marriage, your family. How do we combat it? PRAY. Pray believing. Have full faith that the God who laid the foundations of the world, also knit you together in the secret place, and has a plan for your future. A plan that is only activated when you lay claim to it, hope in Jesus for it, and believe that God is True to His Word. Sometimes to keep believing is all we have. Sometimes we feel so close to Spiritual poverty, we wonder why it matters. BUT GOD. He is good. Press in deeper, my friend. He is Faithful. Give others grace, and walk in faith. He will do the rest. 

--Julie--

...21-Day Fast, Day 8 insights...

"Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth. Serve the LORD with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing. Know that the LORD Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving And His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting And His faithfulness to all generations."

Psalm 100

Psalm 100 reflects my heart today. Today I am thankful. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to love the Lord my God out loud, in the open. I am thankful that I do not live in a place where I am forced to hide my faith. I am thankful that today is a new day. Tomorrow is gone. Over. Done with a capital "D". I am not bound to yesterday, through the mercy of the Savior who hears my repentant heart. But I do have to opportunity to learn from it. As you might have guessed, yesterday was not a good day. What could go wrong, went wrong. Even the most trivial of things couldn't seem to flow. And I was neither joyful nor thankful. I likened myself to the martyred Christ, calling out to a God I was sure had forsaken me. My mom put things into perspective, reminding me that God already knew what was happening, and the resolution for -what appeared to me- so many issues, was Jesus. And He was already working on my behalf.

Wow. 

Yes, it's true that things go awry. Too often we can get caught up in the little storms of life, forgetting that Jesus Himself orders the waves and winds still. He is the Lifesaver, the Life raft, and the Beacon on a hill. When we shatter our earthly perspective with the Truth of Jesus, we can see that whatever we are facing is quite trivial. It adds to the strength of our faith. If life was the preverbal bed of roses, what would our faith mean, anyway?

As 1/3 of the fast is over, and we only have two weeks remaining, join me in thankfulness. Join me in praising and thanking a God who doesn't leave us alone to wallow in our earthly issues, but stands us up, dusts us off, and kisses our boo-boos like any good Father would. He is in control. And He is Worthy of all the praise we can muster. 

--Julie--

...21-Day Fast, Day 7 insights...

"While He was in Bethany at the home of Simon the leper, and reclining at the table, there came a woman with an alabaster vial of very costly perfume of pure nard; and she broke the vial and poured it over His head."

Mark 14:3

Broken and poured out. I am encouraged by this woman, who took what was likely the most expensive thing that she owned, and poured it out over the Lord. I must admit, I also feel a slight pang of conviction, because I am looking forward to tomorrow, and the end of the liquid-only portion of this fast. I feel that still small voice inside me, asking if I am poured out. Asking if I have given everything that I am, and all that I have, to God. 

Have I been fasting with purpose? Have I been glorifying the Lord? Have I done my best?

While in my flesh I know that I have not "cheated", in my spirit I am convinced of my need for the Savior. "All have fallen short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23). I am not good on my own. I have not been able to fast on my own strength and within my own power. If not for the resurrected power of the Holy God working in me and through me, I am nothing. And, though I am saved by grace, it is not enough to be made whole by that saving grace. I must be broken again. Wrecked for Christ's sake. And poured out. I am personally interpreting that to mean that the work Jesus is doing within me, is not meant for me. I am meant to be a part of a much larger whole. I am and was created to serve. To take the river within me, God's spring of life, and pour it out on His Bride, the Church, like this woman poured out her perfume over Christ. 

As my stomach grumbles with hunger, I hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, begging to be let out. Clawing at the very pit of me, wanting to be released on the world. What if we all used this fast to propel us to more sincere, whole-hearted, wrecked-for-Christ service? What if we were all willing to be poured out? Can't you just imagine the smile on the Savior's face? 

I'm ready, Lord! 

Break me!

--Julie--

...21-Day Fast, Day 6 insights...

"'Why have we fasted,and You see it not? why have we humbled ourselves, and You take no knowledge of it?' 'Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure, and oppress all your workers.'"

Isaiah 58:3

This verse, along with the rest of Isaiah 58, is about true fasting. 

Once you hear an inspiring testimony that involves fasting, it can be tempting to fleece The Lord. This is NOT true fasting. This is merely a hunger strike. A fit, to try to coerce God into giving you what you want, by abstaining from food. "God, You did it for them, now do it for me. See? I'm fasting too!" 

As the days of the fast trudge on and on, one can easily slip into this disgruntled frame of mind. The challenge in the days to come is to reflect on what you hope to achieve with fasting.  What do you want to gain?  Pray and meditate on Matthew 16:26 as you start to peel away the layers of the world, and get down to the Truth in your relationship with God. "What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world; yet forfeit their soul?" 

This experience of fasting is between you and God. Your experience will not be like mine, or anyone else's. You will not feel Him move in the same ways, and you will not be blessed in the same ways. This fast is about you and Him, my friend. Although I am walking through this season of fasting with you, and am blessed to encourage you, our paths are different. 

Press in, and lay claim to the blessings He wants to pour out on you, according to His will, not your own. Get in the Word. Discover for yourself what true fasting is. 

I love you.

--Julie--

...21-Day Fast, Day 5 insights...

"The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught.'" 

Isaiah 29:13

I am reminded again today that I am not fasting to honor God with my body, my stomach, or with the act of fasting, itself. It is my heart that I am honoring God with. 

These words from the Lord through the prophet Isaiah ring so loudly In my ears today. Day 5 is the day of the 'gut check'. It is easy, once you get past the proverbial wall of fasting, to feel bloated with pride. To feel unstoppable. Today the challenge will be to rebuke that pride, and to understand that if it was not for the Lord's Spirit in you, no way would you -or I!- have lasted this long through this fast. Think about it this way, if it was a 'no food' diet, wouldn't you have cheated already? I know with 100% certainty that I would have. I don't have the will power. 

But, God!

 I am not fasting based on some human rules, some law of religion. I am fasting for a deeper relationship with God. I am pressing in with all of the strength I have, to make God THE most important thing. More important than even eating. And I know that because my heart is in the right place, He is honored. I am not fasting for my own glory, for my testimony, or because I want something. I am fasting because He is Holy. He is Worthy. And He has given me so much that how can I not keep his laws? This is the lesson I am learning as I grow deeper and go deeper with God every day. He has blessed me so much. And He has laid out some ground rules, of sorts, in His Word, that I have been allowed the liberty in Christ to follow.  So as I seek Him, He is showing me where I am not honoring Him, and giving me the grace through Jesus to begin anew and honor Him today.  With more than religion, more than words, more than by fasting. Today, I am honoring Him with my heart. 

--Julie--

...let's be real...

On the eve of Day 5, I must confess: this is hard. 

If you are joining me on this fasting journey, you may be starting to notice some changes in your body... 

I am currently in the throes of a migraine from the pit of hell itself. It is about all the focus I can muster to type this- please understand I am not seeking stmpathy. I'm merely being honest. Because I want you to know that you are not alone. I am not alone. We serve a very real, very present God, who is our Savior, our Healer, our Father and our Redemption. 

Another side effect of liquid-only fasting can be constipation. Our bodies are in shock and denial about the lack of food, and I liken this process to a child throwing a fit when they don't get what they want for dinner. I am the 'tough love' sort of parent, so I self-pep-talk, and PRAY. The enemy has no hold on me. And he has no hold on you, friend. As much as you want this breakthough, this release, this year of blessing, he wants to steal your victory, kill your momentum, and destroy your blessing. 

My prayer for you right now, if you are sojourning through this faithful obedience with me, is this; that you would turn to God in the midst, that you would cry out to Jehovah Shalom, our God who IS Peace, and that you would claim this hour, this day, this year, as a year of God's favor on your life. 

Be encouraged that He can see your struggle and He is faithful to bring His promises to fruition. 

--Julie--

...21-Day Fast, Day 4 insights...

"And He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord.'" 

Deuteronomy 8:3

Today, day 4, is typically the hardest day for my during this liquid-only portion of my fast. 

To keep away from temptation, and the urge to stop in my fast to honor God, I have been praying for zeal for His word. Because "...no man can live on bread alone..." 

Even Jesus used this same portion of scripture to combat the enemy when He was tempted. (See Matthew 4:4 and Luke 4:4). I have been praying through the hunger pangs by reciting The Lord's Prayer. 

Today, I challenge you to get in the Word. Just dive in. And pray expectantly for a zeal, a hunger for the Word. An un-earthly hunger that sits deep in your spirit. A hunger and thirst for the Living a God that surpasses fleeting flesh and earthly emotion. Pray for passion. 

He is Faithful! Trust that He will answer that prayer with a resounding and resonating impression deep within you, and watch to see Him move! 

Amen!  

--Julie--

...21-Day Fast, Day 3 insights...

"But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash you face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.'" 

Matthew 6:17-18

Day 3 is one of the hardest days of fasting. Your body has started going into starvation mode and you will begin feeling sluggish and irritable. Fight the urge to lash out. Beware of pride, as you are tempted to feel "more holy" than others- maybe even in your own house- that aren't called to fast as you have. Today it is crucial to remain steadfast in prayer. Take a shower, say a prayer. Drink some water, say a prayer. When my kids have toast for breakfast, and the smell of melted butter and golden wheat bread wafts through my house, I stop and remember Jesus' words in Matthew 6 about fasting. God is an unseen God. Though we can see His miracles, signs, and can feel His presence, we cannot go anywhere are look at His face. But He sees us. He is always watching. I don't know about you, but that is comforting to me when I am tempted. Knowing that not only am I not alone, but God is actively watching me, makes it easier to honor Him while I fast. I do not have to stand on a mountain and shout to the Heavens, "God! Did you see that? I didn't eat that leftover mac n' cheese from the kids' dinner!! No one was looking, and still I didn't touch it! Did you see me?" I keep His presence at the forefront of my mind, and I resolve not to fail in honoring Him with my fast. It is good to cry out to God when you feel tempted to eat, or eat something you have determined to fast from. But challenge yourself not to do as the Pharisees did. Instead, go into your room, close the door, and let your struggle be between you and God. "...and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you." And, my friend, as we honor Him through this fast, I am beside myself in anticipation of what that reward might be!

--Julie--

...21-Day Fast, Day 2 insights...

"But King David replied, 'No, I insist on paying the full price. I will not take for the Lord what is yours or sacrifice a burnt offering that costs me nothing.'" 

1 Chronicles 21:24

As we step into day 2 of fasting, let me issue this challenge: are you fasting sacrificially? Are you truly giving up food that is causing pangs of hunger? Are you giving time to the Lord? If you have given up some foods, or in some cases all foods, but you are not devoting more time to praying to God, then you are just starving. You are hungry for no reason. David isn't credited as being the wisest of men in the Bible, but he does have a heart after God's own. And I see his heart reflected beautifully in this passage of scripture. David doesn't want to offer a gift to God, he wants to offer a sacrifice. A sacrifice always costs something. Are you sacrificing during this fast? Last night, I was hungry. I wanted to eat. Not even 24 hours in, and I was in deep prayer to not bend to my own will. Then my husband, who works nights, stopped by home to get something to eat at 11pm. And I had a choice. I could cook him some potatoes (he is doing the Daniel fast) or I could run and hide from the smell of cooking food. I remembered sacrificial love, and I remembered that Jesus Himself didn't flee temptation, but withstood it by the power of God's Holy Word. So I cooked him potatoes. And I prayed. Boy, did I pray!

Day 2 is going to get hard. Fasting is not meant to be easy. It is meant to cost us something, that we can then offer to God. Use your hunger to propel you deeper in your prayer time with the Lord. Make your requests known, praise Him for His Holy Spirit at work in you, and believe Him for that breakthrough. Trust me, as days 3 and 4 approach, you are going to need Him like never before. If you lay the groundwork now for deep relationship, you will reap the benefits of hearing His voice more clearly when it gets harder to withstand the temptations of food. 

--Julie--

...21-Day Fast, Day 1 insights...

"Behold, I am doing a new thing, now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

Isaiah 43:19

What a perfect way to start the 21-day fast! In this new year, 2015, God is going to do a new thing! He is going to release that blessing! He gives us some key insights into what the next 21 days will be like. ..."do you not perceive it" speaks to the clouded vision that we often have. We need this time of fasting for clarity. We need to see what God is doing in our lives and glorify Him. We need to understand that our discernment is a gift, but we must not just attempt to use it, but learn how (from God) and practice (seeking Godly counsel for agreement). 

We also learn from this passage of Scripture that God will make a way in the wilderness. I often compare my fasts to being in the wilderness, as Jesus was in the wilderness when He fasted for 40 days and was tempted. Sometimes it can seem like a desolate place, fasting. But! Oh, this is the key- GOD WILL MAKE A WAY! God will make a way! The path isn't defined. And you can only get through this wilderness by asking God to make a way for you and believing that He is the Way! And lastly, God will make rivers flow in the desert. I don't know about you but I have been in some pretty desolate places spiritually. My soul has felt dry like a desert. I have begged for the Living Water. As we fast, we can get easily discouraged if we don't focus on God. We can feel dry and parched. But this verse says that God will make rivers in the desert. He will spring forth in your soul like a river. His Living Water will be the source of your strength and ability to continue honoring Him during this time of fasting. 

Be encouraged and take heart! God is doing a new thing! I can't wait to hear from you what new thing God is doing in you and for you. 

--Julie--

...Hello Again...

It's been along time. Maybe too long... For the past 20 months I have been distracted by a grief too immense to describe with words. I have been celebrating a year (2014) filled with God's abundant blessings and have grown in my faith in Jesus. From the pit of adolescent beliefs, to a walking, talking firm believer in the Resurrected Christ, I have grown. 

And I have decided to return once again to the ebb and flow of the blogosphere. 

I cannot promise that I will be consistent. But I will be present. 

I will extend this olive-branch of a catch-up of the goings-on in Kent world:

In 2014 we bought a new big beautiful home in Lodi, 

celebrated the kids starting a new school (LCS) and 

rejoiced as Kevin was promoted to Sergeant 

and Kayden was baptized.

 We have also enjoyed season passes to the one and only Disneyland, which has provided countless hours of family fun and healing.

For a full and complete run-down feel free to catch me on Instagram (@mrsjuliekent) where I post liberally.

Thank you for your patience with me as I jump back in, and your feedback as I try my hand once again at the whole blog-thing.

SUICIDE

SUICIDE. That word conjures up images of darkness. Isolation. Unknown. The stigma is like a cloud, keeping the truth from coming to light. Truth is that we don't know about suicide because no one is willing to talk about it. The word suicide is taboo. But it shouldn't be. Suicide should be talked about as much as diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. Suicide is among the three leading causes of death in people 15-44 years old, WORLD WIDE. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States.

A number of high schools talk about "every fifteen minutes" as it relates to alcohol/vehicle related fatalities. More people die by suicide each year than are killed by drunk drivers. More people die by suicide each year than AIDS.  In 2011, 39,518 people died by Suicide. That is one person every  13.3 minutes. That's 108 people every day. Here's another startling fact: 90% of those people, who die by suicide, have a diagnosable and treatable mental illness! That means there is HELP. There can be  HOPE.

Not everyone who has a suicidal thought is "crazy" or "5150" or "mental". Everyone at one point or another has the fleeting thought of what the world would be like without them. I'm not talking about the momentary wandering mind. I'm talking about the people who are mentally unable to rationalize their thoughts because they have an illness.  Suicide is often NOT an impulsive decision. Suicide is the result of numerous factors, causing a sort-of perfect storm, in which an individual perceives the only way to end the pain is to die. The people who have survived their attempt at suicide often express the desire for hope, not the desire for death itself.

What can we do? As a collective global community, we can talk about it. We can be educated on the warning signs, the options, and the language we use. We can get real. Each and every one of us can refuse to keep suicide wrapped in stigma, by talking about it. By turning a blind eye, and using negative language, we are saying to thousands of people  - THOUSANDS of suicide attempt survivors and the loved ones left behind in the wake of a suicide - that we don't care. Would you say that to someone suffering from cancer?

I issue this challenge: take charge over the stigma surrounding mental illnesses and suicide. Refuse to be intolerant and indifferent. Listen when people speak. Be courageous. Understand that there is help and there is hope. There is NO SHAME in suicide. The only shame is ignorance.

--Julie--

For more info visit www.TheRyanFund.com or www.AFSP.org or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

If you are in crisis please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

NAMIwalk 2014

This year, I am participating in the NAMI.Walk because I know the value of the service they provide to the community. I believe that the MORE people know about mental illnesses, the LESS the stigma associated with mental illness is perpetuated.
I walk for my brother, Ryan Lauchland, who died by suicide in April 2013. Ryan suffered from Bipolar Disorder.

I walk for my children, who are (almost) 6 and 8, who can grow up in a community free from the stigma of mental illness, if we all band together and get educated.

I walk for myself - I have a personal vendetta against mental illness and I am hopeful I can see more treatments accepted by people who suffer.

Please support me in my efforts to raise money and awareness for NAMI, as well as the Ryan M. Lauchland Memorial Fund.

Please walk with me in my efforts to see a world free from stigma.
For every walker that joins the Ryan Lauchland Memorial Fund team to walk o May 3, I will personally donate $10 to NAMI.

To help my efforts or join me on May 3 in Sacramento, please visit my fundraising page at http://namiwalks.nami.org/ 5milebikeride.

If you would prefer to donate directly to the Ryan M. Lauchland Memorial Fund, please click the "donate" button to your right -->

I also wanted to tell you that the Ryan M. Lauchland Memorial Fund will be hosting a community-wide Mental Health outreach event on May 10, featuring a presentation by NAMI as well as information from San Joaquin Behavioral Health, and Hospice's support groups.

If you would like to continue to receive information, or would like to be involved, please email me or "like" the Ryan M. Lauchland Memorial Fund page on Facebook.

Thank you in advance for your help, love, support, and prayers,

Julie

The Hard Question

Last night, my 7 year-old daughter came to me, and asked about the "cause" of Bipolar Disorder.

She wanted to know (in the 2nd grade vernacular) if Bubbo (Ryan) had Bipolar because one of my parents gave it to him, like a cold, or if he just "catched it" on his own.

Wow.

I don't think I was giving my girl enough credit. She is obviously way more perceptive than I thought.

So I promptly called the only person I could think of to help me navigate this egg-shell laden path: my mom. She insisted on Face-timing with the inquisitive mind, and tearfully explained that neither she nor Poppy was responsible for Ryan's mental illness.

This made my heart happy, to hear the answer to a question that burned deep down in my own mind.

I have silently wondered for years if they blamed themselves.

The next biggest question I have, now that that one is answered, is if I blame myself.

Now, I know that it is genetically impossible for ME to have "caused" Ryan's BPD.

But the lingering guilt is from the nagging feeling that I didn't do enough to help. And if I didn't do enough to help, did I hinder progress in treatment?

 

I don't know a single person who gets along with their sibling 100% of the time. I surely didn't.

But over the passed two and a half years, Ryan and I had more laughs than fights.

Before Ryan was diagnosed, there was a brief period where we were constantly bickering. Not the "I'm never going to speak to you again" type, but the "you are wrong and I am right" variety.

Looking back, I feel that I wasn't as mature as I should have or could have been. I didn't have to argue or prove my points. I didn't have to.

Did my restless desire to be right 100% of the time push Ryan into the psychotic meltdown that led to his BPD diagnosis? Did I somehow "help" the spiral in it's downward decline? Am I to blame?

 

Who's to say?

All I can do now in Monday-Morning-Quarterback the situation and try to move forward, navigating the pieces of my broken heart with transparency and humility.

And do my best to answer the difficult questions in my heart, and the hearts of my two innocent children.

And hope that I can figure out how to glorify God through it all.

 

Thanks for reading,

 

--Julie--

Validation

A million times over, I have wished my brother to return. To magically appear in front of me, flesh and blood... REAL...

And a million and one times I am disappointed to open my eyes and grapple with the fact that he is not now nor will he ever return to this earth with a heartbeat.

Today is one of those days that I am struggling silently with grief and hope. I miss my brother so bad, that I am sure the tears that are falling are tears of blood- having exhausted all of it's water, my body is pouring my life from my very eyes.

Of course it's not, but this is how it feels. 

 Like a slowly sinking Titanic, I am drowning in my own life.

Ryan was the biggest source of validation in my life. The only one to ever tell me "good job" without the "but" on the end.

Ryan, in his own crazy way, was a life raft sent straight from Heaven to keep me afloat. Ryan "got" me. He understood our parents. He knew just what to say to me, when no one else in the world who ever thought that they knew me, could. He knew how I worked, and how I interpreted things. He humored me when I was emotional. In a very real sense, he was a part of me.

Without him, there seems to be a hallow and uncertain void. A bleakness to life.

It feels like I am walking through the wilderness.

In my own head, this bleak despair is compounded by isolation.

No one "gets" me, now.

No one understands the grief, or knows what to say.

But One.

 

As God watched from the Throne, His very Own Son was nailed by my sin to the cross.

And to comfort me, He rose His Son from the emptiness.

From the abyss, to give me hope in a future with Him.

 

Hope.

That word sounds so small compared to the tragedy of mental illness and suicide.

Hope.

The word speaks volumes to every situation, every trial, and every loss.

Hope.

The single syllable is etched forever in the hearts of the Believer, a foundation for a faith in God.

Without hope, there is no future, faith, or freedom from the consequences of sin.

I am a prisoner to hope, refusing to believe it is not there. Clinging to every letter, to keep even just the top of my head from sinking.

 

So when you see me cry, don't turn away and shun my sadness.

Let me spill these tears of hope, tears of grief, and tears of unwavering faith in a God who loves even the most broken in all the world.

And if you are brave, tell me that you have this hope too.

 

--Julie--