...Slow Down...

Saturday, March 12 started out in typical "day off" fashion. With a long list to to-do's.

First I went to BCCC's Men's Breakfast (gasp! - yes.) to solicit help from the 'muscle' at our church for Treasure Box delivery day. Then my family and I went to a garage sale some FPU'ers were having at our dear friends' home.

We spent the afternoon hanging out at home, with Kevin and my dad getting their tech on.

In the evening, we dropped the kids off at Grammy and Poppy's to spend the night, and Kevin and I went to the LCEA appreciation dinner, which honored City employees for years of service. (Congrats again to all our LPD family who got celebrated!)

By the time we left there and came home to catch 40 winks before the 5am alarm to get up and go run 13.1 miles, I wasn't feeling too hot. And by hot, I mean cool. I had a fever. 103*F to be exact.

But no big deal, right? A little ibuprofen and I should be able to sleep it off, right?

Not so much.

By the time that 5am alarm came around, I had exactly 1 hour and 15 minutes of sleep under my belt, had thrown-up numerous times (like you needed to read that) and was miserable. Those of you who know me well, know that I don't really ever get sick. Not like this. And if there is any way at all for me to muscle through it, I do. That's just my style I guess.

So we didn't get to go run the half marathon, which made me so upset that I cried. I cried so hard that it made me throw up...blood.  And on and on the cycle went. It culminated Sunday night with a trip to the ER, where a chest x-ray, blood work and urinalysis found NOTHING wrong.

So I have been pretty sick these past few days. Yesterday I started feeling a little bit better, and made it to my pre-op appointment for my laparoscopy.

But what I really wanted to share with everyone was what God taught me in those still, quiet moments of Sunday morning (and what my aunt confirmed. Thanks, AA!).

I am a proud girl.

Proud, proud, proud, proud, proud.

And that is exactly WHY I am sick, and why the doctors could find nothing wrong.

It's not really about how much I rely on God. It's about how I define myself.

You see, when Kevin said I was absolutely not going to run the half, I flipped out. I was devastated. I look at my accomplishments to get my self-worth. And running is the only thing that I can do alone, for myself. I run with a partner, yes. But each mile pounded on the pavement is a mile that I have carried myself. No one can run for me, and I can't fake it. Sure, if I was deceitful I could lie, but eventually it would catch up to me, as lies tend to do. I realized that I was running for me, and not to glorify God. I realized that I was being prideful. I realized that God needed to knock me down a few pegs.

I had this little house of post-it notes built so tall, it might have resembled a certain Tower (Gen 11).

I had so much on my plate, I thought that I was awesome. A hard worker. Organized. I had this notion that I could get it all done, my way, with no help.

BUT if it wasn't for the grace of God, I wouldn't be able to complete these projects. I wouldn't be organized, a hard worker, or a servant. So today I find myself thankful at the opportunity to slow down and take a step back. To see the bigger picture of how all things must come together to glorify God, or they don't 'come together' at all.

And I offer this prayer, that it may be like sweet incense at the Throne.

 

Gracious Heavenly Father,

You are a might God. You are a God who saves. Yes, Lord, You are the Author of Salvation! The omnipotent, omnipresent, all-knowing, all-seeing God of all!

I thank You, Jehovah Rophi, my Healer, the Great Physician for healing my body. I pray God, that you would touch the bodies of Justice and Kayden in a mighty way, God, and heal them. I pray they would start to feel better, even now. I bind this sickness, in Jesus' name, and I say to it 'you have no power here. get out of my home.' I banish this sickness from my home in Jesus' name and by His authority. I pray, God, that you would protect Kevin's body. That you would help him stay healthy. I thank You, Lord God, for my husband. He has been so patient and helpful these past few days while I have been sick. I pray I would never cease being in awe of You, God. Your ways are perfect.

God, I repent of my selfishness and pride. I thank You for the opportunity to see what is separating me from You. Wash me clean in the blood of the Lamb, my Deliverer. I thank You for all the opportunities to serve. I pray I would never lose the Cross as my focal point, that I would never look away.

Thank You, Lord, for those sweet friends you have put in my life, who have prayed for healing in my house. I ask that You would bless each and every one of them. Bless Audra and Donnie, their marriage and their home. Guide their decisions and open doors for them concerning a house. God, let You will be done in their lives and they seek to honor You. I pray that You would lift Joan up, Lord. That You would do a miracle in her life, concerning her search for a job. Open and close doors as You see fit, and speak to her Your perfect plan for her, as she quiets herself to hear Your precious voice. I pray for Kevin, today, God. As he is at this mini-comp, I pray that You would make him sure and resolute. Strengthen him as TL, Lord. Give him authority when he speaks, that his team would listen. Give him quickness with his feet and accuracy with his weapon. I pray that You would keep all of the teams safe. I pray that You would give Kevin Your words. Help him to be a witness for You today. Help others to see You shine through him. Give Kevin opportunity to speak of Your great love, compassion and mercy.

Lord, I pray that you would help me get caught up with my servant's duties. I pray that You would help me to not feel overwhelmed or burdened. I give my workload to You, Lord. Your burden is easy. Your yoke is light. Thank You for releasing me from despair and restoring my resolve to serve You.

It's in the wondrous, magnificent, saving, gracious name of Jesus Christ I pray.

Amen.