...Pain, And Then Some...

I would be lying if I said that this recovery has been pain-free.

I would be lying if I said that everything is going well, especially now that I am Catheter free.

I would be completely lying if I said I am doing well.

TRUTH is that my body is healing, but each day presents itself with new challenges, emotions, and pain.

Yes, pain.

Stinging, throbbing, burning, stabbing, ripping pain.

Intense, off-the-charts, cant-stand-it, severe pain.

At first I was shocked that my body would be so enveloped in pain - Ive been dealing with pain for years.

But this is different than anything I have experienced with the caesareans or laporoscopys.

I guess it could be because there are organs missing from my abdomen now. Or maybe because I don't find it necessary to "take it easy" as much as my doctor would like. Now, before you think that this would be the obvious cause of my discomfort, let me tell you a little bit about myself: I can do the 'pain' thing. I came home a day after having a 9lb6oz baby via c-sec and did laundry. I ripped out staples and kept on going.

I have been suffering from Endometriosis for years, and I have ran through some of the worst of it. 13.1 miles to be exact. Not to mention that I ran on a fractured tibia.

I've broken bones, been cut, ripped, stitched and stapled.

And I don't slow down. It's just me.

But this is different.

This is the type of pain that leaves me huddled in the corner, weeping.

Almighty Father,

Hallowed is Your Name.

I confess, Lord, and repent of my lack of faith.

I have look for relief without looking to You.

I know that You are the Mighty Comforter, the Devine Healer. Forgive me, Lord. Wash me clean and set me again on the Rock. Renew and refresh me, gracious and merciful Lord. For Your glory.

God, I don't know what to think and how to feel. I am bruised, broken and torn. I am hurting. I feel like a sniveling child, Lord - this pain is NOTHING compared to what You went through at Calvary. NOTHING compared to the torture, the abuse and the punishment that Your flesh absorbed for me.

I am a wretched, awful complainer. A sinner.  

Forgive me, Abba. Daddy.

Hold me and open the eyes of my heart, that I can continue to see and feel You through this recovery.

Restore to me a healthy body, pleasing to You, that I may honor You.

But help me, Lord, to honor You with this broken body. Take this affliction and pour out Your mercy.

I love You, my Redeemer, my Salvation, my God.

In the name of Jesus the Christ I pray. Amen.

My Darling Daughter,

I rejoice when you come to Me, turn to Me, and fall into My arms. I delight in your praise.

I AM here for you. I AM always. I AM.

I am what you need. Do not seek the comfort and console of the world. The flesh will fail.

I know how you feel, and yet I delight in your confession, your obedience.

Do not turn your tear-streaked face from Mine.

Do not bury your sorrows and pain in fleeting comfort - immerse yourself in My Word. Feel my loving arms around you when you recite My promises.

I AM your Daily Bread, your Portion and your Strength.

When David was confused and hurting, before a promised crown graced his brow, he sang to Me. Search your heart for the song you long to sing to Me.

I AM patient. Seek My Truth and live in it. Minute - by - minute. Hourly. Daily.

I love you, My precious child. Beyond time and space is My love. For Y O U.  
I sought you out. I restore you. I am merciful to you. I am the Author of your Faith.
 I sent My own Flesh to die for you.

Do not doubt My love.
I AM LOVE.